Yesterday in a COMPLETELY SURPRISE move the CNE (National Ethics Council) ruled that Victor Ponta didn’t plagiarize his 2003 doctoral dissertation. Whew! That was a close one. But I know what you’re thinking. “Sam, I studied for years and years and worked incredibly hard to earn my academic degrees. Why do I need this guide?”
Pay attention! One day you or someone you know might be the Prime Minister of a third world country and in need of some advice on how to prop up your pathetic little ego.
If you follow my 6 easy steps, you’ll see that it really couldn’t be easier:
- Ignore CNATCDU ruling that you’re a plagiarist even when it makes you the laughingstock of Europe
- State that only the CNE (subordinate to your Education Minister) can rule on your doctorate and decide “if” you plagiarized
- Ignore CNE members (including the long-time director) who resign “for medical reasons”
- Have your Education Minister appoint 7 new members (to go from 11 to 18) just three days before they make their ruling
- Have your Education Minister publicly threaten the university where CNE members teach that they won’t be able to award doctorates in the future if they rule against the Prime Minister in his case before them
- Yay, you did it! In a surprise move the CNE rules that you didn’t plagiarize your doctoral dissertation
This guide is also useful for protecting yourself when you plagiarize books that you “wrote” or pump up your CV with fake degrees you “earned” at other universities, etc, etc.