Cultural Suicide

September 30, 2015 • Poor Widdle Romania

WORD COUNT: 1764 Well, I don’t think that it’s news to anyone any longer than the refugee crisis that I wrote about is now effecting serious changes on all of Europe. Last week, the EU member states (which include Romania, but not Moldova) had a vote and it split almost perfectly down the east/west axis,… Read More ›

A Royal Wedding »

Join our Global Village

(1) 20150922_135448 copy

For those of you who don’t know me well, my name is Sam, and I was born and mostly raised in the United States. Then about 15 years ago, I visited Romania, and quickly fell in love with the people, the land, the music, the food, and the culture. I then moved to Romania, and… Read More ›

Gypsies »

A Sad and Pathetic Little Man

(2) liviu alexa

WORD COUNT: 1697 Well folks, it’s time to tell a story here that’s never been written before. So sit down and fix yourself a snack because now is time to tell the tale of the sad and pathetic little troll named Liviu Alexa. In case you’ve never heard of him, he’s a prominent businessman, failed… Read More ›

My awesome books »

Family Tradition

(1) familytradition

Hey DJ, you mind cuing up a good song for this article? Thanks, bro. Time for a shout out as the song loads. Aceasta melodia este dedicata din partea mea, Sam Cel Roman, pentru toti fratiorii mei pe care au ridicat un pahar bun, sau rulat o marfa buna cu mine, si a stat de… Read More ›

Doggy! »

The Dog Says, “Woof-Woof”

(0) dogfirstpicture

As you all know by now, everybody gets presents ahead of my wedding. Above, you can see Cristina’s present, a puppy dog who came and joined our family just last night. She hasn’t even been here long enough for us to find out what her name is, but she is most definitely welcome! So… all… Read More ›

CATS! (pisicile) »

Him se yldesta andswarode, “Werodes Wisa, Wordhord Onleac”

(6) yah, my reaction exactly

WORD COUNT: 5405 Ah yes, my deepest apologies, folks, as I know I have for true been gone a great many days and forsaken some of my deepest and most loyal readers and supporters. The short truth is that I’ve just now survived a year of real challenges since I got the old boot from… Read More ›

A Romanian in exile »

An Exhaustive Guide to Immigration in Romania and the Republic of Moldova

(13) So, who wants to immigrate to Romania/RM?

Word Count: 3487 Note: What follows is an extremely detailed analysis of immigration laws and practices in Romania and RM. If you’re just a simple tourist from a rich country, you can skip this entire article. All you need to know is you can enter Romania/RM without a visa, stay up to 90 days, leave… Read More ›

A few of my all-time favorite posts that I've written »

The Lonesome Death of Cicerone Ionitoiu

(10) ionitoiu

As I described in exhaustive detail in The Black Hole of Romania, it doesn’t take a shadowy cabal to censor the news, only a virulent form of cultural blindness. I lost half an hour of my life on Sunday (January 26) watching the 7:00 pm news broadcast of ProTV, which devoted their entire coverage to… Read More ›

Foodie »

Koffee Klatch

(1) Come on over, friend, and let's share a cup of coffee together

WORD COUNT: 983 A few years ago, I had the good fortune of reading a book (translated into English) by the Dutch author Geert Mak called In Europe. In it, he attempted to find the dividing line between “Europe” and “non-Europe”, or “Eastern” Europe or “Western” Europe. Certainly, a lot of people use the old… Read More ›

Mailbag »


(5) The bilingual postman only rings twice

WORD COUNT: 2162 Well kids, the ol’ virtual mailbag is getting full of unanswered messages, so let’s dump out the sack and see what we got inside. Yay! Hey Sam, why do all your recent posts have a word count at the top? Well, as much as I love WordPress (the people who run the… Read More ›


Me and the CIA

(8) stupidgovernment

I keep getting comments and quips from people about how I possibly might be working for the CIA, so I thought I’d actually write a full post for the FAQ about it and settle this issue once and for all. But before I can do that, I have to tell you a story. You’re Not… Read More ›

Holiday Road »

Moldovan Christmas, Part 2

(3) Nothing says Christmas like a Cчабsburgher!

Word Count: 981 As I promised in my post The Land of Perfect Christmas, I would report back to you about the festivities here on Orthodox Christmas, January 7. I was actually surprised by just how low-key the entire thing was, even though about 99% of Moldovans celebrate Orthodox Christmas in one way or another…. Read More ›

Moldova - Republic of »

The Price of Holy Matrimony

(0) MD_20_lei_av

Here on the blog, as well as on other fora, I see there’s been some confusion about the monetary cost of getting married in Moldova. Since I’m going through the process right now, I thought I’d drop a little knowledge on the subject. Moldova The total and complete cost of getting married in the Republic… Read More ›

my personal life »

Home Run Writing

(0) Baseball.svg

As you know, ahead of my wedding, every debt must be erased. I originally wrote this thinking I could send it to Stephen King (the famous author) personally, or at least reach one of his representatives. I discovered that this isn’t possible, as he’s guarded by 100-foot high iron walls LOL but that’s okay. I… Read More ›

Word of the Day »

WOTD: Baraj

(0) your ocean is so vast, and my boat is so small

All the recent events over in Crimea put me in a somber mood, my thoughts turning to that strange old aristocrat Lord Alfred Tennyson and his poem The Charge of the Light Brigade about pointless and foolish deaths on that peninsula 150 years ago. Although thousands of soldiers from Russia and Britain suffered horribly, the… Read More ›

You Know You're Romanian When »

You Know You’re Romanian When…

(3) princecharlesbasescu

…a foreign, drunken, philandering buffoon who cheated on his wife during their honeymoon and was best friends with a horrific pedophile is a better ambassador at promoting your country than your own idiotic and unnecessarily combative Minister of Tourism.

English for Romanians »

If I were the ambassador…

(4) Two sheeps is better than not any!

I have to admit that I was initially quite happily surprised to see the latest letter published in the Huffington Post (UK edition) from Doctor Ion “Two Sheeps” Jinga because I thought that perhaps the same ghost writer who recently wrote on behalf of Crin Antonescu had helped the good “doctor” sound somewhat intelligent and… Read More ›

blog бизнес »

The Trick is to Keep Breathing

(5) Sleepyratty

Hey folks, I know it must seem like I’ve been kidnapped and held incommunicado for the past few weeks… err, months. Alas, I’ve been through a lot, but the good news is that signs of life are slowly making their way known, and that should translate to a proper return to this dear and lovely… Read More ›

Romanian language »

Shut up and Dâns With Me

(3) dumnealui

WORD COUNT: 346 A few years ago in Cluj (to be specific, it was when I first saw the hilarious David Ciceo on TV) I heard a word that I’d never heard before, and I had to ask a Romanian what it meant. Now I know, and since moving to the Republic of Moldova, I… Read More ›

1000 Reasons Why I Choose Romania »

Only human

(4) romaniangirlonturtle

Lately I’ve felt like a priest, going to visit the sick to sit with them a while and offer them comfort. An old friend of mine and her husband caught a nasty virus while working in England and now they’re back home to rest and recuperate. Was the money there good? Yes, but both of… Read More ›

Romania Fail Whale »

Pana la ultimii 100 de metri

(11) Don't beat up your children because they don't MEAN to disappoint you by their misbehavior

Well I’ve finally washed up on the steamy concrete shores of Chisinau (the capital of the much-maligned Republic of Moldova), suffering like most everyone in the brutal August heat (yesterday’s high was 41C), and I realize with much regret that instead of writing about my new adventures and experiences I must now address a number… Read More ›

Folk wisdom »

Musețel, un minunat leac universal

(3) musetel

They always say that the good die young, so you can be sure I’m going to make it to a ripe old age :P Picture above is a delightful chamomile (pt romani se zice kemomil) plant that I found growing spontaneously in my tiny garden. In all the years I’ve lived in Romania, I never… Read More ›

lulz »

Call the gokmop!

(6) milkdoctor

If you ever need to learn the Cyrillic alphabet, all I can say to you is God have mercy on your soul. The way the legend goes, about 1150 years ago the Byzantine Pope decided to send his homeboys Cyril and Methodius to the Slavic lands on his northwestern frontier and tame their wicked, pagan… Read More ›

The Revolution Begins Now »

A million Changs to you all

(0) senorchang

A million thanks to all of you for an awesome first day of my Kickstarter Project. It’s been great seeing all the excitement (hey, I’m excited too) and the RT’s on Twitter and the shares on Facebook and messages and emails and all the rest. Amazing! The weather also turned golden here today and it… Read More ›

Politics »

The Curious Case of the Half Ambassador

(1) jamespettit

Word count: 421 What happens when the United States appoints a new ambassador to a friendly, allied country? There’s a little ceremony and then a press release goes out. Right? Well that’s sort of what happened today. The United States now has a new ambassador to Moldova and here he is, saying hello to the… Read More ›

another satisfied visitor »

No Sign of Threat Whatsoever


Amen: I rarely felt as safe in a foreign capital as I did in Bucharest. And I am not a naive tourist. There simply is no sign of threat whatsoever. I think Berlin and London are vastly more dangerous. So forget all that crap you hear. Now do you believe me??

Video Zilei »

Americans wanting to be Romanians


Wannabe Romanians ❤💛💙 — Deyonce (@Dalmaghi) June 23, 2013 God bless Twitter (and Vine) is all I’m saying ;)

Marketing, Advertising and Propaganda »

How a Minor Medieval Prince Became the Most Famous Killer in History

(6) Original claim to fame: most awesome moustache EVER

Word Count: 1689 In the ordinary course of things, one minor noble who struggled to hang onto his kingdom in the sparsely populated backwaters of an Eastern European principality in the Late Middle Ages would be familiar only to historians and antiquarians today. A prince who won and lost his throne three times and spent… Read More ›

Money, probability and predicting the future »

And to Think That I Saw It on Lombard Street

(0) lombard

WORD COUNT: 1259 Hey, who wants to hear about something other than my pending nuptials? Cool. Me too, so let’s do it! :D I took this photograph a few months ago deep in the heart of the Ewok Village in which I live, known to Google Maps and government folks as Chisinau. The picture makes… Read More ›

Преступление и Наказание »

Eugenics, Apartheid, and Immigration Laws

(0) Always obey the law, kids!

WORD COUNT: 1567 I understand there’s a really deep sense of personal satisfaction that comes with being in compliance with the law, no matter how stupid, racist, and evil that law is. Right? As long as you personally benefit, and have no trouble, then it’s really, really easy to turn a blind eye to other… Read More ›

People in Romania »

Barátok és ellenségek

(13) szeklermeeting2014

If Laszlo Tokes had had the decency to die back in 1989, now he’d be a martyr to the revolution, a hero to all of Romania. Unfortunately, he’s still alive and continues to be the burr under this country’s saddle, just like he was back in 1989 when his stubborn refusal to leave Timisoara helped… Read More ›

Poor Widdle Romania »

Cultural Suicide

(8) refugeesineurope

WORD COUNT: 1764 Well, I don’t think that it’s news to anyone any longer than the refugee crisis that I wrote about is now effecting serious changes on all of Europe. Last week, the EU member states (which include Romania, but not Moldova) had a vote and it split almost perfectly down the east/west axis,… Read More ›

Scolding of Righteousness »

Incompetence on Every Level

(37) Incompetence1

A few weeks ago I read a piece called The Illusion of Corruption on the blog of a Romanian who grew up in Canada but has now returned to his homeland (and as a side note, the author is a personal friend) and the more I thought about it, the more I realized what he… Read More ›

Sexy times »

Women and War

(5) soldiersparade2

I’m currently restricted to prepay internet, which means that I pay for every byte, so I’ve spent a lot of time offline, plumbing the archives of my computer. As such, I’ve had the time and fortitude to re-read Herodotus, and it reminded me of the first time I went to Moldova. — As a brief… Read More ›

Solutions »

Mr. Saxo Beat

(15) alexandrastan

Well I imagine you’ve heard by now that the singer Alexandra Stan was savagely beaten by her boyfriend a few days ago, landing her in the hospital. The English-language reports decline to show the graphic photos and videos of the injured Alexandra, which are quite disturbing. I happen to follow her on Twitter and saw… Read More ›

Jesus is my Co-Pilot »

Hey Sam, I want to write a book

(0) samcelromanstyle

Me: Hey, what’s up? Person: You have an awesome life. How can I write books like you? Me: I’d tell you the answer but people say I’m wordy so I made up some picture cards. Person: Hey Sam, how long does it take to write a book? Me: Funny you should ask! The girls like… Read More ›

This is a true story »

Romania, where not even the banks understand capitalism

(15) oldguywink

An associate of mine is out of town at the moment and asked me to go to the bank and pay off a small debt that they had, and promised to repay me upon their return. I said, “Sure, no problem.” [[Fast forward to inside bank]] “Hello, friendly lady at the teller window,” I said…. Read More ›

Tongue Twister Thursday »

Tongue Twister Thursday

For Engrish Speakers: Tuburi, jgheaburi si cabluri Verde, repede si rar O chinezoica Pentru Vorbitori: “Pile it, pilot!” said Pontius Pilate The writer rider crushed a spider I heard about the boot that fell out the boat

Unicorn City »

A poem for David Ciceo

(3) progressbrochure

This weekend I was out at the Unicorn City Airport to pick up the SMG from another one of her endless training-uri when I saw that they were building a new gas (petrol) station alongside the main east-west street here in Cluj-Napoca. The bulldozers were still on site and most of the asphalt has yet… Read More ›

TV/Film »

Romania is a vivacious young girl

(0) French_caricature_on_the_Romanian-German_Peace_Treaty

If Romania were my field of study at a university, my second doctoral thesis would definitely be entitled The historical trend of the nation of Romania’s depiction in visual space as a virginal maiden (my first thesis is a little less conventional lol). Time and again, from all historical periods, there seems to be a… Read More ›

weather »

Merry Christmas!

(3) Siberia!

I know it may seem strange to some but my all-time favorite television channel is the Weather Channel (in America). Sadly, there is no equivalent here in Europe so for my Christmas present to all of you, I decided to make one with all of the weather forecasts for today, December 25, 2013. In order:… Read More ›

off the wire »

Broadcast News

(1) mad-as-hell

Excuse my “absence” lately as I’ve been extremely busy working on a project and haven’t had much time for writing although due to my (apparent) inborn ability to focus on multiple things at the same time, I have been watching a lot. In fact, thanks to a high-speed internet connection and a powerful computer (plus… Read More ›

Transportation »

Frozen Tears

(5) "She died with frozen tears on her face"

Well this week Romanian journalists haven’t had to resort to stealing videos and photos because there’s been non-stop coverage of a domestic incident, the crash of a plane (link in English) in the Apuseni Mountains near Cluj. This story is still ongoing and I’ve been closely monitoring the media but I’ve decided to hold off… Read More ›

Geography »

When You Don’t Officially Exist

(4) transnistria

Word Count: 1743 I say tomato, you say tomato. I say Country X is a real country, you say it isn’t. I keep hearing “experts” throw the idea of Transnistria around quite a lot while at the same time being sure to emphasize its illegitimacy. But if you boil down all the treaties, debate and… Read More ›

Hungarian language »

At Play in the Fields of Paprika

(11) rodicapettingpony

I must say that I am a bit ashamed of my threadbare article that I wrote last year about Cluj’s “Hungarian Days” festival, particularly this paragraph: I can’t say that I ever participate much in the Hungarian days festival, mostly because I don’t speak the language or eat Hungarian foods. I’ve certainly heard the concerts… Read More ›

Auf Deutsch! »

Wie ich Rumänisch in 37 einfachen Schritten lernte

(0) Ja, das ist gut!

Note: what follows is my (in)famous post 37 steps translated into German (much thanks to the SMG), also available in limba romana. Enjoy! Schritt 1 – Sprich Italienisch und Spanisch und lach und wink ab. Rumänisch ist doch auch eine romanische Sprache, oder? Praktisch das Gleiche. Schritt 2 – Triff einige Rumäner in den USA,… Read More ›

wikileaks »

After The Flood Had Swept Over, The Kingship Was In Kish


Just about every week someone new asks me to justify why I live in Romania. I guess I should start a new category of posts just to list all of these answers, which are far too numerous to fit into a single article. One of the simplest reasons is cash money, (pronounced kish by most… Read More ›


The Best Wedding Photographer in the World

sebastian bratescu

Today I have the great pleasure of introducing you to the most talented photographic artist I have ever known. His name is Sebastian Bratescu and this is his website. I met Sebastian, or “Sebi” as he is known, in Romania back in 2008, and we rapidly became good friends. He has near genius-level skills at… Read More ›