Keeping you safe from Russia since 1990

How the Brave Moldovan Police Saved my Family from Evil Russia


Word Count: 1029 A few years ago, someone asked me if I had ever thought of pursuing a career in journalism. I replied, “No thanks, I actually respect myself.” As Stephen Colbert said way back in 2006, most journalists are just whores with a notepad. Here’s a case in point, brought to you by VICE,… Read More ›

A Royal Wedding »

Join our Global Village

(1) 20150922_135448 copy

For those of you who don’t know me well, my name is Sam, and I was born and mostly raised in the United States. Then about 15 years ago, I visited Romania, and quickly fell in love with the people, the land, the music, the food, and the culture. I then moved to Romania, and… Read More ›

Gypsies »

A Sad and Pathetic Little Man

(2) liviu alexa

WORD COUNT: 1697 Well folks, it’s time to tell a story here that’s never been written before. So sit down and fix yourself a snack because now is time to tell the tale of the sad and pathetic little troll named Liviu Alexa. In case you’ve never heard of him, he’s a prominent businessman, failed… Read More ›

My awesome books »

Stern Looks

(1) The bilingual postman only rings twice

Hey folks, much apologies for my extended absence. I promise I’m still alive ;) Everyone’s been asking me about my “honeymoon”, but in reality it’s been one long hard slog. Don’t get me wrong, married life is great, it’s just there’s a lot of work to be done so this past month has been a… Read More ›

Doggy! »

The Dog Says, “Woof-Woof”

(0) dogfirstpicture

As you all know by now, everybody gets presents ahead of my wedding. Above, you can see Cristina’s present, a puppy dog who came and joined our family just last night. She hasn’t even been here long enough for us to find out what her name is, but she is most definitely welcome! So… all… Read More ›

CATS! (pisicile) »

Him se yldesta andswarode, “Werodes Wisa, Wordhord Onleac”

(6) yah, my reaction exactly

WORD COUNT: 5405 Ah yes, my deepest apologies, folks, as I know I have for true been gone a great many days and forsaken some of my deepest and most loyal readers and supporters. The short truth is that I’ve just now survived a year of real challenges since I got the old boot from… Read More ›

A Romanian in exile »

An Exhaustive Guide to Immigration in Romania and the Republic of Moldova

(17) So, who wants to immigrate to Romania/RM?

Word Count: 3487 Note: What follows is an extremely detailed analysis of immigration laws and practices in Romania and RM. If you’re just a simple tourist from a rich country, you can skip this entire article. All you need to know is you can enter Romania/RM without a visa, stay up to 90 days, leave… Read More ›

A few of my all-time favorite posts that I've written »

The Lonesome Death of Cicerone Ionitoiu

(10) ionitoiu

As I described in exhaustive detail in The Black Hole of Romania, it doesn’t take a shadowy cabal to censor the news, only a virulent form of cultural blindness. I lost half an hour of my life on Sunday (January 26) watching the 7:00 pm news broadcast of ProTV, which devoted their entire coverage to… Read More ›

Foodie »

The Good, the Delicious, and the Ugly

(0) uglycarrot

Word Count: 620 The other day, I took the following photograph of a carrot I bought at Chisinau’s wild and crazy central market: If I told you that I paid 3.5 MLD/kg for it, or less than $0.03/lb (0.16 euro/kg), you’d probably just shrug your shoulders and say, “Eh, that’s Moldova for you”. But I’m… Read More ›

Mailbag »


(1) The bilingual postman only rings twice

Well this is obviously spam but I had to laugh when Google let this one through.  Guess all my Russian queries screwed up their filter? Dunno. Enjoy! Hello Im Olga. How your day? I look for a human of your country. I lovely you profile very much. Iam from Russland. If you like my photo,… Read More ›


Me and the CIA

(8) stupidgovernment

I keep getting comments and quips from people about how I possibly might be working for the CIA, so I thought I’d actually write a full post for the FAQ about it and settle this issue once and for all. But before I can do that, I have to tell you a story. You’re Not… Read More ›

Holiday Road »

Moldovan Christmas, Part 2

(3) Nothing says Christmas like a Cчабsburgher!

Word Count: 981 As I promised in my post The Land of Perfect Christmas, I would report back to you about the festivities here on Orthodox Christmas, January 7. I was actually surprised by just how low-key the entire thing was, even though about 99% of Moldovans celebrate Orthodox Christmas in one way or another…. Read More ›

Moldova - Republic of »

How the Brave Moldovan Police Saved my Family from Evil Russia

(6) Keeping you safe from Russia since 1990

Word Count: 1029 A few years ago, someone asked me if I had ever thought of pursuing a career in journalism. I replied, “No thanks, I actually respect myself.” As Stephen Colbert said way back in 2006, most journalists are just whores with a notepad. Here’s a case in point, brought to you by VICE,… Read More ›

my personal life »

Home Run Writing

(0) Baseball.svg

As you know, ahead of my wedding, every debt must be erased. I originally wrote this thinking I could send it to Stephen King (the famous author) personally, or at least reach one of his representatives. I discovered that this isn’t possible, as he’s guarded by 100-foot high iron walls LOL but that’s okay. I… Read More ›

Word of the Day »

WOTD: Baraj

(0) your ocean is so vast, and my boat is so small

All the recent events over in Crimea put me in a somber mood, my thoughts turning to that strange old aristocrat Lord Alfred Tennyson and his poem The Charge of the Light Brigade about pointless and foolish deaths on that peninsula 150 years ago. Although thousands of soldiers from Russia and Britain suffered horribly, the… Read More ›

You Know You're Romanian When »

You Know You’re Romanian When…

(3) princecharlesbasescu

…a foreign, drunken, philandering buffoon who cheated on his wife during their honeymoon and was best friends with a horrific pedophile is a better ambassador at promoting your country than your own idiotic and unnecessarily combative Minister of Tourism.

English for Romanians »

If I were the ambassador…

(4) Two sheeps is better than not any!

I have to admit that I was initially quite happily surprised to see the latest letter published in the Huffington Post (UK edition) from Doctor Ion “Two Sheeps” Jinga because I thought that perhaps the same ghost writer who recently wrote on behalf of Crin Antonescu had helped the good “doctor” sound somewhat intelligent and… Read More ›

blog бизнес »

The Commentariat

(3) Welcome to the internet, kids!

Word Count: 1058 Well folks, if you’ve been with me over the years, you know that I’ve changed my comment policy a few times. For a while I was letting (just about) anything go, and then for a while I turned all comments off. Frankly, I wasn’t sure what to do. On one hand, comments… Read More ›

Romanian language »

Shut up and Dâns With Me

(3) dumnealui

WORD COUNT: 346 A few years ago in Cluj (to be specific, it was when I first saw the hilarious David Ciceo on TV) I heard a word that I’d never heard before, and I had to ask a Romanian what it meant. Now I know, and since moving to the Republic of Moldova, I… Read More ›

1000 Reasons Why I Choose Romania »

Only human

(4) romaniangirlonturtle

Lately I’ve felt like a priest, going to visit the sick to sit with them a while and offer them comfort. An old friend of mine and her husband caught a nasty virus while working in England and now they’re back home to rest and recuperate. Was the money there good? Yes, but both of… Read More ›

Romania Fail Whale »

Blowing Smoke

(7) Last verse, same as the first

Word Count: 1810 It’s been an interesting week in Romania. What started out as a one-note story, that 27 people died in a fire at a club/disco soon morphed into wide-scale protests, and the “sudden” resignation of the Prime Minister (and a few other minor hacks). The Western media has been scrambling to knit these… Read More ›

Folk wisdom »

Musețel, un minunat leac universal

(3) musetel

They always say that the good die young, so you can be sure I’m going to make it to a ripe old age :P Picture above is a delightful chamomile (pt romani se zice kemomil) plant that I found growing spontaneously in my tiny garden. In all the years I’ve lived in Romania, I never… Read More ›

lulz »

Call the gokmop!

(6) milkdoctor

If you ever need to learn the Cyrillic alphabet, all I can say to you is God have mercy on your soul. The way the legend goes, about 1150 years ago the Byzantine Pope decided to send his homeboys Cyril and Methodius to the Slavic lands on his northwestern frontier and tame their wicked, pagan… Read More ›

The Revolution Begins Now »

A million Changs to you all

(0) senorchang

A million thanks to all of you for an awesome first day of my Kickstarter Project. It’s been great seeing all the excitement (hey, I’m excited too) and the RT’s on Twitter and the shares on Facebook and messages and emails and all the rest. Amazing! The weather also turned golden here today and it… Read More ›

Politics »

Good Hitting Police

(0) The only way to catch a criminal is to BE a criminal!

Word Count: 698 A couple of weeks ago, I had the chance to visit the lovely city of Odessa in Ukraine. A casual comment got one supporter all riled up, which led me to write a lengthy response. Since then, I pointed the Unsleeping Eye towards activities in that neck of the woods, and discovered… Read More ›

another satisfied visitor »

No Sign of Threat Whatsoever


Amen: I rarely felt as safe in a foreign capital as I did in Bucharest. And I am not a naive tourist. There simply is no sign of threat whatsoever. I think Berlin and London are vastly more dangerous. So forget all that crap you hear. Now do you believe me??

Video Zilei »

Americans wanting to be Romanians


Wannabe Romanians ❤💛💙 — Deyonce (@Dalmaghi) June 23, 2013 God bless Twitter (and Vine) is all I’m saying ;)

Marketing, Advertising and Propaganda »

How a Minor Medieval Prince Became the Most Famous Killer in History

(6) Original claim to fame: most awesome moustache EVER

Word Count: 1689 In the ordinary course of things, one minor noble who struggled to hang onto his kingdom in the sparsely populated backwaters of an Eastern European principality in the Late Middle Ages would be familiar only to historians and antiquarians today. A prince who won and lost his throne three times and spent… Read More ›

Money, probability and predicting the future »

And to Think That I Saw It on Lombard Street

(0) lombard

WORD COUNT: 1259 Hey, who wants to hear about something other than my pending nuptials? Cool. Me too, so let’s do it! :D I took this photograph a few months ago deep in the heart of the Ewok Village in which I live, known to Google Maps and government folks as Chisinau. The picture makes… Read More ›

Преступление и Наказание »

Odessa Tales

(14) Map-of-Odessa

Word Count: 2171 Not too long ago, I had the chance to visit the beautiful city of Odessa. When I casually mentioned how weird it was that the train station in Odessa – as well as train stations in Bender and Tiraspol (part of Transnistria, the country that doesn’t exist) has a lot of armed… Read More ›

People in Romania »

Barátok és ellenségek

(13) szeklermeeting2014

If Laszlo Tokes had had the decency to die back in 1989, now he’d be a martyr to the revolution, a hero to all of Romania. Unfortunately, he’s still alive and continues to be the burr under this country’s saddle, just like he was back in 1989 when his stubborn refusal to leave Timisoara helped… Read More ›

Poor Widdle Romania »

Cultural Suicide

(9) refugeesineurope

WORD COUNT: 1764 Well, I don’t think that it’s news to anyone any longer than the refugee crisis that I wrote about is now effecting serious changes on all of Europe. Last week, the EU member states (which include Romania, but not Moldova) had a vote and it split almost perfectly down the east/west axis,… Read More ›

Scolding of Righteousness »

Incompetence on Every Level

(37) Incompetence1

A few weeks ago I read a piece called The Illusion of Corruption on the blog of a Romanian who grew up in Canada but has now returned to his homeland (and as a side note, the author is a personal friend) and the more I thought about it, the more I realized what he… Read More ›

Sexy times »

Read my TWO new books for free!

(7) My 2 new awesome EROTIC ADVENTURE stories for adults

WORD COUNT: 1700 Oh sweet, I wrote two awesome new books! Oh wait, did I mention these two books are very explicit adult books with very vivid descriptions of intimate acts? Yikes! I know, I know. For some of you, it’s kind of a shock that I’m now branching out into writing “porno” books. But… Read More ›

Solutions »

Mr. Saxo Beat

(15) alexandrastan

Well I imagine you’ve heard by now that the singer Alexandra Stan was savagely beaten by her boyfriend a few days ago, landing her in the hospital. The English-language reports decline to show the graphic photos and videos of the injured Alexandra, which are quite disturbing. I happen to follow her on Twitter and saw… Read More ›

Jesus is my Co-Pilot »

Hey Sam, I want to write a book

(0) samcelromanstyle

Me: Hey, what’s up? Person: You have an awesome life. How can I write books like you? Me: I’d tell you the answer but people say I’m wordy so I made up some picture cards. Person: Hey Sam, how long does it take to write a book? Me: Funny you should ask! The girls like… Read More ›

This is a true story »

Romania, where not even the banks understand capitalism

(15) oldguywink

An associate of mine is out of town at the moment and asked me to go to the bank and pay off a small debt that they had, and promised to repay me upon their return. I said, “Sure, no problem.” [[Fast forward to inside bank]] “Hello, friendly lady at the teller window,” I said…. Read More ›

Tongue Twister Thursday »

Tongue Twister Thursday

For Engrish Speakers: Tuburi, jgheaburi si cabluri Verde, repede si rar O chinezoica Pentru Vorbitori: “Pile it, pilot!” said Pontius Pilate The writer rider crushed a spider I heard about the boot that fell out the boat

Unicorn City »

Threat Assessment

(5) Duane C. Butcher - photo courtesy of American Embassy in Bucharest

Although there’s zero mention of it on the American Embassy’s website, the American charge d’affairs, Duane C. Butcher, made a quick little stopover in Cluj yesterday to visit long-time embassy snitch Emil Boc. The only reason we know about it is because he gave a brief statement to the local Realitatea and Digi24 crews (video… Read More ›

TV/Film »

Survivorman Les Stroud in Romania

(1) Wallachia is where?  Fuck it, let's just say Transylvania

Word Count: 523 The other day, I was surprised when the Unsleeping Eye alerted me to the fact that a popular survivalist had filmed not one but two episodes in Romania. The show is called Survivorman, featuring the legendary Les Stroud, and Season 7 Episodes 2-3 were billed as Les doing some survival in “Transylvania”…. Read More ›

weather »

Merry Christmas!

(3) Siberia!

I know it may seem strange to some but my all-time favorite television channel is the Weather Channel (in America). Sadly, there is no equivalent here in Europe so for my Christmas present to all of you, I decided to make one with all of the weather forecasts for today, December 25, 2013. In order:… Read More ›

off the wire »

Broadcast News

(1) mad-as-hell

Excuse my “absence” lately as I’ve been extremely busy working on a project and haven’t had much time for writing although due to my (apparent) inborn ability to focus on multiple things at the same time, I have been watching a lot. In fact, thanks to a high-speed internet connection and a powerful computer (plus… Read More ›

Transportation »

Frozen Tears

(5) "She died with frozen tears on her face"

Well this week Romanian journalists haven’t had to resort to stealing videos and photos because there’s been non-stop coverage of a domestic incident, the crash of a plane (link in English) in the Apuseni Mountains near Cluj. This story is still ongoing and I’ve been closely monitoring the media but I’ve decided to hold off… Read More ›

Geography »

The Odessa Tales, Pt. 2

(7) Champions of Democracy

Word Count: 2319 Well folks, it’s been an interesting week. A few simple comments about Odessa led to a lot of exploration and research, and so I thank everyone who contributed because it really gave me the impetus to learn a lot more about Romania during World War 2, a subject I had previously avoided… Read More ›

Hungarian language »

At Play in the Fields of Paprika

(11) rodicapettingpony

I must say that I am a bit ashamed of my threadbare article that I wrote last year about Cluj’s “Hungarian Days” festival, particularly this paragraph: I can’t say that I ever participate much in the Hungarian days festival, mostly because I don’t speak the language or eat Hungarian foods. I’ve certainly heard the concerts… Read More ›

Auf Deutsch! »

Wie ich Rumänisch in 37 einfachen Schritten lernte

(0) Ja, das ist gut!

Note: what follows is my (in)famous post 37 steps translated into German (much thanks to the SMG), also available in limba romana. Enjoy! Schritt 1 – Sprich Italienisch und Spanisch und lach und wink ab. Rumänisch ist doch auch eine romanische Sprache, oder? Praktisch das Gleiche. Schritt 2 – Triff einige Rumäner in den USA,… Read More ›

wikileaks »

After The Flood Had Swept Over, The Kingship Was In Kish


Just about every week someone new asks me to justify why I live in Romania. I guess I should start a new category of posts just to list all of these answers, which are far too numerous to fit into a single article. One of the simplest reasons is cash money, (pronounced kish by most… Read More ›


The Best Wedding Photographer in the World

sebastian bratescu

Today I have the great pleasure of introducing you to the most talented photographic artist I have ever known. His name is Sebastian Bratescu and this is his website. I met Sebastian, or “Sebi” as he is known, in Romania back in 2008, and we rapidly became good friends. He has near genius-level skills at… Read More ›