Kiku for the Lulz

Even though I keep a pretty close eye on politics, I had no idea who Ion Kiku (Moldovan: Chicu, Russian: Кику) was before he became the Prime Minister of Moldova last year after the government of Crazy Maia Sandu and her idiot sidekick, Andrei Nastase, was dismissed following a vote of no confidence.

Yesterday, Prime Minister Kiku made me laugh out loud when responding to one of Radio Free Europe’s typical warmongering, paranoid bullshit attempts to influence local politics.

Kiku was responding to a warning by a “security expert” interviewed by RFE/RL who said that Russia might send little green men to take over the proposed new international airport in Balti.

Currently, the only international airport in Moldova is in the capital, Chisinau.

My translation:

“Come on, let’s be serious. If these “little green men” want to come – which, by the way, is a ridiculous conversation to be having – they will land anywhere that they friggin’ want to. Maybe they’ll even decide to land in Victory Square in Bucharest for all I know.

What is the airport supposed to do anyway, if these guys come? Or what can they do later, if those guys have landed at the airport?

Look, my government is discussing serious issues here such as developing Moldova’s infrastructure because without it, whether that’s roads, airports, or train lines, we are not going to get out of the hole that we’re in.

But if you want to talk about security, is there anyone who really believes that we’re going to battle against some parachutists? Or airborne assault troops or whatever else? Of course, listen, we have security measures in place, and we are ready to defend this country.

Wait a second, what are we talking about again? Oh, right, this truly asinine topic. No offense.

Listen, I also have heard about these “little green men” or maybe they were blue, or I don’t know what color they’re supposed to be.

But if we build another airport in Moldova [in Balti], is the risk really any greater that “little green men” are going to land there?

Anyway, why wouldn’t they just land at the Chisinau airport?”

That last line made me snort tea out of my nose.


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