Fuck you, Army!


The following is a rough transcript from a recording of a private performance given on October 18, 2012 at [redacted] in Romania.

So of course, yes, a lot of people always ask me, hey Sam, why do you live here? And of course I’m expecting this question so I throw out the easy answers, blah, blah, chicks are hot, nice mountains, blah, blah whatever. You know what I’m saying? And they nod their head, yeah, yeah. So hot chicks, blah, blah, tuica, tuica. And then sometimes just for the hell of it I will throw ’em a curveball.

I tell ’em, “And fuck the Army. I don’t mean the Romanian Army of course. The absolute only thing I know about ’em is I once got drunk as hell on tuica at a kind of an Army base and I almost stole some potatoes and then the colonel came in and got super angry but who can blame him? Other than that, no problem. Theres like 20 of them in Afghanistan or whatever and I’ve got no problem with that. There’s always a few guys who just do better psychologically when they’re shooting big guns and sometimes killing people. Better there than here.

But no, other than that the Romanian Army doesn’t do shit except a whole lot of preparing. Woopee. I’m talking about the American Army. Fuck those guys. And when I say Army I mean ALL the soldiers or marines or squeebees or whatever the fuck. I don’t give a fuck what branch or squad or troop or what. Fuck the Army. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of seeing dead babies on TV and going, ‘I somehow played a role in that.’ I’m sick of it. I don’t care if it’s some mullah dude with a long beard that you fucking killed. I’m sick of the Army killing people.

And I don’t just mean fuck all foreign wars. I mean fuck all of the Army. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of the fact that they or one of their computers will read this and there’s a possibility greater than zero that somebody may want to kill me just for saying this! Fuck it! I’m sick of it. I’m sick of that paranoia. I’m sick of paying millions of dollars to blow people and buildings and animals and cities up. I don’t care if a guided missile cost four bucks! That doesn’t make it better somehow. It doesn’t make me want you to go buy more. No, no, no!! No more.

You want our weapons? Go ahead and fucking take ’em. Have fun killing yourselves with ’em dumb-dumbs. Go ahead. No charge. Take ’em. You pay the shipping and they are fucking yours. I don’t care how much they cost! We don’t need them or want them anymore!

Oh Sam, you fucking idiot, what about our ENEMIES?. Yeah so what? Fuck our enemies. You want to come here and kill us, go right fucking ahead. What are they going to do? Seriously? Tanks driving across Texas like fucking Red Dawn? Give me a fucking break. Nobody is going to attack America like that you paranoid fucks!

Oh Sam you forgot about the teeeerorist. Fuck the terrorist. Go ahead, blow up all the fucking bombs you want to, you illiterate fucks! Do you think that’s going to change anything?

Just speaking only monetarily it’d be cheaper just to let ’em fucking blow up buildings and then rebuild ’em than all these fucking missiles and drones and other stupid shit! Christ. Invite them over. Go ahead. Blow up a skyscraper every fucking week. We’ll just build a shitload more with all the money we’re saving by not having death robots circling in the fucking sky! Shit!

And really, how many fucking terrorists are there? Go ahead. Let’s see what you got, you stupid punks. I bet you can’t even beat pneumonia deaths you morons! Fucking useless. I’m sick of all this shit. I’m sick of killing people for ANY FUCKING REASON. You got it? I’m sick of it. I am fucking sick of it, motherfuckers.

Oh Sam, you’re blah blah the fucking blessed blah blah members of our majestic armed fucking forces. Fuck you. I got nothing against soldiers, you dumb fuck. I just want them all retired. Let them go pave roads or be fucking lawyers or whatever the fuck because I don’t GIVE A SHIT. It’s the fucking ARMY I hate. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of fucking tanks and firehoses or whatever the fuck or napalm or all of that SHIT. I fucking hate it.

And I fucking hate that if you dare say anything against it oh then you’re some kind of TERRORIST. Yeah dumbass. I don’t even eat fucking meat but somehow I want to go shoot bullets at you or whatever the fuck so I change your mind about fucking KILLING people. No. It’s called logic. Try it you illiterate fucks. I am sick of killing people. I’m sick of finding more high tech fucking ways to do it too.

Oh Sam, you’re so naive. Fuck you. Fucking Army, go to hell. I’d rather be poor and invaded by Mexicans than fucking keep killing people! What is it you don’t understand? This isn’t some 50 shades of fucking gray ethics here, dumbass. It goes worst fucking thing is murdering people and then everything else is LESS worse than that. How hard is that to get through your skulls?

So yeah. I can say that here, in Romania, in public, without either getting lynched by a bunch of patriotic retards from the land of the so-called fucking free or actually fucking getting killed. So yeah that’s one of the reasons I live here, because I can say stuff like that,” I told her.

19 thoughts on “Fuck you, Army!

  1. I stand by you, especially when you say the soldiers would be better of paving roads and building houses. A lot of humans die because instead of building we shoot each other. I’m certain most people won’t understand most of what you are saying.

    As long as we, as a race, have military and armies, we are primitive!

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  2. I’m sorry Sam, but you need an army in order to take other people’s stuff in order for you to live well.
    If the US disbanded its armies right now and pulled out of all of its wars what do you think will happen? Assuming that the imminent invasion would not actually happen.

    Other countries would start taking up attitude, not fearing the american wrath. They would change oil prices as they saw fit, fixed their currencies as they desired, and many more. How can the US keep on having cheap oil if they don’t control extraction,distribution and price?

    How can you maintain global dominance, hegemony and control without the possibility to physically obliviate those who oppose you if other means fail? I’m sorry Sam, but without the army, the American way of life, would cease to exist. The American dream is built on severed limbs and crying babies. For some to thrive others must suffer. It just so happens that it’s your people that thrive.

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  3. It is true, if you stood up and gave this talk in front of a group of Americans you would probably have about 40 Smith and Wessons pointed at you :)))

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  4. But no, other than that the Romanian Army doesn’t do shit except a whole lot of preparing. Woopee. I’m talking about the American Army. Fuck those guys

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  5. Sam,

    Would you honestly have the guts of dismissing the army if you were Ki.. sorry, President of the USA?
    If yes, pray do think what would happen.
    No tanks would roll over Texas, OK. But tanks would have rolled over South Korea, or over Israel, or over Europe, or… Now, who cares? They are “other people”. But there where the American Army did not stood to protection (Romania!), people usually died from one tyranny or the other. In the protected countries, they suffer instead from dramatic first-world malaises, like gas prices going up or iPhones malfunctioning.
    I dismiss the naivete that the American Army is there only to protect those people.. they are, of course, protecting American interests. What is the chief American interest of having an Army abroad? Keeping pressure away from home and having a coin in negotiations.
    Is America self-sufficient? I doubt it. America needs to be interconnected with the world trade in order to function.. imagine that world trade (oil, especially) dependent on some foreign power which does not share your antimilitaristic stance.
    The Army is part of the US diplomacy, it does not need to explicitly engage in wars.

    And not even your vision, of tanks rolling over Texas, would be far from reality if America wouldn’t have an army… think about the missiles in Cuba or Hitler’s plan to invade the US. A lunatic’s plan? With the German Empire controlling the European resources? Today it’s a nonsense, tomorrow it’s laughable, the next week we start building bunkers.

    You like living in Romania. Ask your local friends how long our elders waited for the Americans to deliver them from the Soviets (and why). Would you have enjoyed Romania that much in communist times? Nay, you would have been sent to prison for openly speaking your mind. And this only because the American Army or its proxy wouldn’t have been here to protect your right of speaking against it.

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    1. Din cate am inteles eu Sam nu e impotriva armatei americane, ci impotriva armatei in general. Adica e un pacifist. Ataca armata americana cu predilectie – cred eu – din doua motive: unul, pt ca e cea mai “activa” armata in a se baga in tot felul de razboaie, iar al doilea motiv e ca Sam e american si are anumite pretentii de la tara lui.
      Iar pacifismul absolut e o teorie f frumoasa si cea mai corecta din punct de vedere moral (cel putin daca ne referim la morala crestina). Din pacate e o teorie utopica.

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  6. Prietene, ai auzit de tari care ameninta sa arunce in aer juma’ de glob cu bombele lor nucleare sau de lideri care le ordona supusilor sa se arunce in cap in numele unei cauze pierdute sau de popoare care traiesc la limita din cauza acelorasi lideri? Mda, nici eu. Sam striga “racism” cand prietenii lui i-au acuzat pe americani ca au intrat cu bocancii in criza politica romaneasca din vara. M.Sam e la umbra unui semi-anonimat si sufera de prea mult vedetism local. In realitate, e cu curu’-n doua luntre si nu face decat sa alimenteze niste atitudini anti-americane in niste ignoranti care nu inteleg niciun cacat din politica externa a Statelor Unite.

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  7. @boo – name another army that goes to war halfway across the globe, pretending to defend its nation, with massive numbers of people and equipment. Hey, I know one, Germany, in the two world wars… And, regarding the “fucked up at so many levels”, did you ever visit Romania?

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    1. sam wants all armies to end, but he forgets that mankind is violent, not just one country.. there are many more that are just as guilty of what america is blamed for.

      Sam has his opinion and he is entitled to it… if he said that to an army( or any military guy ) guy, they know enough that they fight so he can have that opinion.

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  8. You dumb fuck, what makes you think that the American Army is the only ones that blows up people and things around the world? And make up your fucking mind about which country is the one you root for – Romania,”fucked up at so many levels”, or America, that you keep bashing every chance you got.

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