To truly understand this story I’ve got to first tell you another story, one that I’ve never spoken about publicly. In fact, I think that there are only three people in the whole world who knew about it before today.

A lot of you know that I used to live in Spain, which is a wonderful and beautiful country with delightful people, gorgeous weather, delicious foods and savory wines. What very few people know is that when I lived in Spain I was an extremely famous and popular movie star.

I’m not going to tell you what my stage name is or was because then you will all race to Google to start digging up photos. Suffice it to say that I looked a lot different in those days than I do now. When I would walk out of my apartment people would shout out to me in recognition. Sometimes groups of young girls would band together and scream my name in delight. Old ladies would wink at me in the shops. I remember going to a fair once and being mobbed by people, some wanting to pat me on the back, some wanting autographs and others wanting to buy me drinks.

The “twist” here of course is that I was never an actor in Spain or appeared in any movies. I just happened to look virtually identical to a guy who was extremely famous and so a lot of people genuinely thought I was he. I remember seeing him on TV and thinking to myself wow we truly look very similar.

Now I told you all of that because last week I was walking in a local mall when I saw a guy on TV there who looked exactly like me because it really was me this time. I was walking down the corridor there thinking mundane things like do I need to buy toilet paper and I wonder exactly where the 35 bus stops near Piata Mihai Viteazu and them bam, there I am, shining out to myself and the whole world.

A few hours later I was up late dealing with some problems related to my (regular) job and I was flipping around the television channels at home when I saw a guy in a music video that looked exactly like a guy I had been hanging out with last month, joking around and hoisting a few drinks. When the videoclip was over, I hopped online and sure enough, it was him. When I met him I had no idea he was a musician and I damn sure didn’t know he had a video on MTV.

Way back in the year 2000 on my first trip to Romania I actually had dinner with Gheorge Hagi, probably one of the most famous Romanians alive today. Actually I was in a restaurant in Bucharest and the guy I was with (a Romanian) nudged me and told me who it was. Frankly I’ve never been much of a sports fan so I had never even heard of him at that point. I actually thought my dinner companion was exaggerating because the supposed “star” was enjoying an ordinary meal and nobody in the restaurant was acting too excited. But later (as well) I looked online and sure enough, that was him.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that if you have to be famous, Romania is a pretty good place to do it. I’ve actually met a startling number of well-known public people here over the years. I think my favorite “celebrity story” is the time when I was in Bucharest and my ex-girlfriend’s (then current) boyfriend took me to meet one of the actors from La Bloc and we sat down and had pizza and beer with him and I got a chance to tell him both A) how I owed him for teaching me how to speak Romanian and B) how much I loathe and hate that show for being so incredibly unfunny. And the best part was him laughing and agreeing with me about the unfunny part. Just a really cool guy.

But even when everyone around you is completely cool with it and when strangers approach you and are low-key and relaxed or people drive in from other cities to meet you and there’s never one problem and you get to meet a lot of really interesting and cool people that you’d never have had a chance to meet otherwise, it’s still weird seeing yourself look back at you. It’s still weird knowing that people you’ve never met are sitting in their homes, their arms around spouses you’ve never met, snacking on some peanuts and watching you, listening to what you have got to say. Even if it’s all jokes and happy funtime it’s still a little surreal underneath it all. It’s a little bit like remembering that the Queen of England for all her pearls and white gloves and fancy hats sits on a toilet a couple of times a week and grunts one out just like every human on the planet does and then you realize that it’s weird that that’s even weird, you know?

Television is a strange beast I guess is all I’m trying to say. And as you can probably guess by the title of this post, when I saw myself there in the mall a certain little song began playing in my head, as is my wont and usual custom.

When I look at the television, I want to see me staring right back at me.
We all want to be big stars, but we don’t know why and we don’t know how.
But when everybody loves me, I’m going to be just about as happy as I can be.

AND NOW YOU KNOW!