I had to laugh because yesterday the newspaper Evenimentul Zilei for some reason published a press release from a member of parliament named Vasile Mocanu in which he savagely criticized American foreign policy in Romania.

I have no idea why Mocanu, a loyal member of the PSD, would send this press release to EVZ, which normally is far more sympathetic to opposition political parties, but apparently he did.

Since it’s relatively short, I’ll translate most of it. Emphasis in bold is my doing.

For example, although they are well-renowned in diplomatic circles, this is not the United States’s strong suit. All we need to do is think back over the last 25 years and the American ambassadors who were sent to Bucharest and we see that they didn’t really do much diplomacy. They were just elevated “poster hangers” here in Romania.

That is to say, people who contributed, whether financially or otherwise, to the [American] presidential campaigns got their sinecure [as ambassador to Romania].

For example, for those who didn’t know what was going on, when Mr. Gitenstein was the American Ambassador to Romania, he was previously a lobbyist and never a diplomat. He became a fan of Basescu and intervened in Romanian politics to support him, often trampling established diplomatic protocol to do so.

I believe that the great American nation, if they still think we’re a good partner to become cannon fodder for their various and diverse wars, should at least show us a modicum of respect and send us a proper American ambassador who is a career diplomat and doesn’t speak first and think second.

Of course Mocanu is right, as everyone knows with a modicum of sense, that all American ambassadorships (not just in Romania) are given to political favorites of the (American) president. That’s how it works as I wrote about myself. This idiot Mocanu however failed to grasp the elementary concept that Gitenstein was a personal friend of Joe Biden, the vice president, and got his job through that channel, not Obama.

So the president and/or vice-president awards one of their lackeys with an ambassadorship to a foreign country. This doesn’t make them “poster hangers” who “speak first and think second” but valuable pipelines to the American government. As strange as it sounds, most other diplomatic missions in Romania wish they had the American system. Why? Because in the British system (as an example) the ambassador actually IS a career diplomat, which means that s/he has zero influence at the top of their government, and all their reports and messages have to go up “through channels” until it gets to the Foreign Minister, who may or may not agree with the “lowly” ambassador. Meanwhile the American ambassador can pick up a phone and call the president (or vice-president) directly and get things done.

Mocanu is clearly an idiot however, showing how well he completely fails to grasp the diplomatic “partnership” that has gone on between the United States and Romania since 1989. I’ll put it into a single sentence so that other morons like him can comprehend it:

America dictates, Romania obeys.

Duh! Gitenstein and the other modern American ambassadors didn’t arbitrarily choose to “support” Basescu because they like his goofy face. They did it because Basescu is a total lackey who does everything the American government tells him to do, whether it’s buy extremely expensive warplanes that Romania doesn’t need or by letting the FBI do whatever the hell it wants to on Romanian soil or by letting the CIA torture and mutilate people in Romanian government buildings or needlessly piss off the Russians by building a bullshit “missile defense” system in Deveselu.

Quick question, Mocanu. Wasn’t your boss Victor Ponta down there smiling at Deveselu just two weeks ago, happy as hell that the Americans were going to build that base? You think the Russians are ever going to leave Transnistria now? Did you see their response? What’s that? Still heating your fucking house with Russian gas? Ah now, brilliant move.

Haven’t you ever heard of Wikileaks, Mr. Mocanu? Christ, they even translated the fucking cables into Romanian for idiot communists like you, sir. It’s not just Basescu, it’s all of the PSD heavyweights who were traipsing down to the American embassy just for a chance to get some praise from the great white father in Washington.

And hey Mr. Mocanu, wasn’t it America who just sent the IMF to Bucharest this freaking week to tell you and your “ruling” party that you’ve got to jack up prices across the board and have to slash all those promised pension increases? Last I heard, your boss Victor Ponta is now so desperate that he’s considering taxing telephone poles to try to scrape up enough money to pay back the great white father’s monetary fund.

If America says send troops to Afghanistan and kill some filthy brown people for no reason at all, you will do it. If America says all Romanians will have to starve and go hungry to pay off some bankers, you will do it. If America says red wigs and noses are mandatory you’ll see Ponta dressed up like a clown tomorrow on national TV.

Get used to it, boy! There is no “partnership”. You’ll never get your “visa free” entry into the United States. Shit, at the moment there isn’t even an American ambassador in Romania at all. Why? Because Romania doesn’t mean shit to the American government! Every major politician in Romania will always do exactly what the American government wants, so why bother even being nice? Romania is America’s slut and will take whatever fucking America wants to give her.

Of course on top of all of this is the (bitterly?) hilarious part that of course Vasile Mocanu is nothing but another old Communist-era dinosaur, crooked as fuck and a huge thief to boot. Back in 2002 he and his PSD buddies that had a stranglehold on Iasi (and still do in 2013) cooked up a scheme (link in Romanian) in which an enormous gov’t-owned farm run by Mocanu was first “privatized” to one of Mocanu’s buddies and then re-sold back to the government for a tasty profit of 10 billion old lei, or around 300,000 American dollars. Nice work if you can get it!

Do us all a favor, Mocanu, and go crawl back into the hole where you came from and leave the complicated stuff to the people with enough brainpower to comprehend it.