Well I’ve spent a good deal of time here in this past week talking to foreigners, including people from France, Britain, Portugal and Sweden. As always, they are having a really good experience visiting or living here and can’t stop raving about how much they love this country. And of course during this exact same week the majority of Romanians I know spent their time bitching and whining.
You know, when I first wrote my book I was very unsure how it would be received. Since then of course I’ve heard from dozens of people and found to my complete surprise just how much there was a need for it. But what’s always been weird is the conversation I continue to have with Romanians whom I meet and don’t know my entire personal history, which goes a little something like this:
Me: Yep, I wrote a book about Romania.
Romanian: Good lord, why would you do such a thing like that?
Me: Well I like this country, the culture, the food, blah, blah, blah (for 10 more minutes)
Romanian: Sorry, I wasn’t listening. Do you even sell any of these books? Seems like a waste of time.
Me: Yeah I do. In fact, they pretty much pay the rent.
Romanian: Oh well if you make money then it’s fine.
Really, that’s it. If I weren’t making money then every Romanian I know would think I was wasting my time because there’s no intrinsic value to things. You already saw the alcoholics anonymous party the other week. Now where would such a mentality come from? It comes from a feeling that there’s nothing of intrinsic value. That’s exactly where it comes from. I promise you (although I didn’t go) that the attitude of the people at that party was “hey, such an ironic theme so therefore it’s funny!”.
All week (despite a lot of unfortunate cold and rain) the city has done a magnificent job during their “Cluj Days” festival. I think for something like 5 or 6 nights in a row there were concerts in the main square with everything from folkloric to classical (philharmonic) music to big name acts like Voltaj and Directia 5. Remember, all of this is free to anyone in attendance. And yet I heard several Romanians bitching about various things. Foreigners I met this week were ecstatic and loved it. Romanians bitching. And the big TIFF film festival kicks off later today (Friday) with a movie being shown in the same big square. And yes, I’m sure there will be some bitching about that as well.
Of course I’ve written about this dichotomy many times before. But Romanians always “explain” it away by noting that foreigners don’t have to deal with the same problems and are treated better by Romanians (both true) but there’s a lot more to it than that. The real difference between foreigners and Romanians that I see is that the foreigners are equally passionate about positive things as negative things.
There are plenty of things foreigners don’t like here in Romania, including and especially the taxi drivers in Bucharest, to give a single example. When you get ripped off, it sucks and it makes you angry. So yeah I’ve heard foreigners complain plenty and be negative and dislike things here in Romania when it is warranted. But as “strongly” as they get angry about a scheming taxi driver, they just as “strongly” praise Romania for what is good and right here. If it helps, think of emotions as a kind of “meter” from 1 to 10. And so if a foreigner gets up to 9 on the scale when they’re angry about being tricked they also get up to 9 when they tell me how much they love the free concerts!
Romanians on the other hand get up to 9 sometimes on the negative side of the mark but when in the hell do they ever get up to 9 on the positive side? How many people here in Cluj are on my Facebook feed? A few hundred? And yet literally the only positive comments I heard about the Cluj Days festival were from foreigners.
Is there some law that you can’t be positive about something that cost you zero money??? I mean how can anyone even begin to understand it? The city just renovated the main park at the cost of several million euros, a lot of the expense being picked up by the European Union, meaning the residents of this city just got a super duper nice fucking park at no cost to anyone! Not your taxes, not out of your pocket, everything paid for by some people living in a far off land whom you’ll never even have to thank. And does anyone here spend five minutes to say one positive word about this park?
Of course not. That’s breaking the “rules” here. Being a cynical, jaded bastard who laughs at alcoholics, people whose lives are being destroyed by alcohol, and using it as a theme for your party and brazenly advertising that you’re giving away alcoholic drinks, yes that’s fine. That’s fucking permitted. That’s considered the height of wit around these parts. But saying something spontaneously positive about free music, free entertainment and free park facilities, well no now you’re asking for TOO MUCH, sir.
Many, many years ago when I first moved here I used to play what I called the “coffee game”. In those days it seems like I was always drinking coffee in people with the various people I knew or was meeting. The game is really simple and you can play it yourself, if you like. Without prompting the Romanian or asking leading questions, you drink a coffee with them and wait to see if they will comment on the coffee. Doesn’t matter whether it’s coffee at your house or at a cafe or a restaurant or what. Just wait and see if the Romanian (or Romanians) at your table have anything whatsoever to say about the coffee, spontaneously on their own.
The “game” is you get 10 points if the Romanian says anything positive about the coffee like “yum it tastes good” or the like. You lose 1 point if the Romanian says anything negative about the coffee.
Can you guess why I don’t play that game anymore? Obviously it’s because I never once, never ONCE heard a spontaneous positive comment about the coffee, no matter how delicious it was. Sometimes I would ask just because I had to know and if I asked, yes they’d say something positive. But spontaneously without me prompting? NEVER. As in NEVER, EVER, NEVER NEVER. Whereas a foreigner, if you play that game with them, they’ll tell you the same whether they like the coffee or they don’t.
I obviously continue to spend time with foreigners and I’m always open to hearing their perspectives. But I live here in Romania and that means I am surrounded by Romanians and they are a part of my life. Some parts of that culture I really like and have openly embraced. But this excessive stinginess (Rom: zgarcie) with expressing gratitude, appreciation and thanks for the genuinely good things in your life while being generous with the cynical, bitter hipster jaded crap is bankrupting Romanians morally.
The answer then, as to why foreigners love Romania so much is because they have the capability to love it openly and honestly, whereas Romanians are too constipated emotionally to even say that they’re enjoying a fucking cup of coffee. With a complete failure of leadership in the government, the (deliberately) shattered economy, the legality of selling land to foreigners and the falling birth rate, it won’t be long until Romanians return to being marginalized serfs in their own country.
So yeah, enjoy the party while it lasts and good luck with that “let’s bitch and moan about everything” strategy because it’s really working for you, eh?
All Things Romania 
You think we complain too much… have you ever been to France? Or better yet do a little survey, ask any hotel manager which nation complains the most about their services, see what they will tell you. Or even see the reviews on travel forums and such, and see who is whining about everything.
But you seem to be pretty hard to satisfy as well. You didn’t like USA so you left. Now that you are here you find a lot to complain about too. :-)
In fact it’s all human nature. We may not say it out loud as often, but when we get a good cup of coffee we enjoy it as much as anyone.
Oh, one more thing: although you may not believe it, you still do not understand Romanians as much as think you do. But that’s alright, it is not necessarily your fault. You see, most Romanians act differently to foreigners than they do with other Romanians; we also speak in a different manner. So what most Romanians say to you does not necessarily represent the way we speak to each other.
Why is this? Because Romanian society has a deep distrust of foreigners (this doesn’t mean we don’t like them, we just don’t trust them). So many Romanians most of time in the presence of foreigners say and act they way they think is suitable not necessarily they way they normally would.
So now you know. :-)))
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I’ve got to complain about something as well: zgarcenie, not zgarcie :))
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Finally Sam,…Judging by your last dozen posts….well…It seems …I can agree with you….You really start to be ….More Romanian then me!!!!
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Speaking as an observer from afar, I am amazed by all of the
positive developments in Romania that I’ve read about online.
Yesterday I learned about the agreement reached with Bulgaria
to jointly implement year-round navigatibility of the Danube
River (i.e., ice-breakers for winter, dredges for summer), so
commercial cargo can reliably be transported over water, thus
relieving traffic-congestion on the roadways and improving
highway safety. This week I read about a new subway being
being constructed in Bucharest (it’s fifth!) and about ten
of the top U.S. corporations (e.g., Intel, Apple, VISA) now
being listed on the Bucharest Stock Exchange, and I learned
that more than a dozen cybercrimnals were arrested in multiple
Romanian cities and some corrupt politicians are being caught.
This past year a magnificent new National Stadium opened in
Bucharest, attracting for example the recently publicized
competition of soccer teams from Spain bringing planeloads
of spectators from abroad to visit the city. A Ford auto
parts plant is opening, new mall stores, huge natural gas
deposits discovered under the Black Sea, tourism is up by
over ten-percent, etc., etc. So I say “Wake Up Romanians”
because your time is now arriving.
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Yeah, I get all the whining and bitching. I sometimes do that too, but mostly just whining and bitching about people who do nothing but whine and bitch about the little things. Oh, the irony.
It’s true that Romanians like to think of other countries as the “civilized ones” but God forbid anything should be done to improve things. People around me never go “Hey, I don’t particularly like this cup of coffee, maybe tomorrow I’ll find something better to suit my tastes”, and just leave it at that. Nothing is good enough for them.
A few weeks ago, I went on this study trip to Copenhagen with some of my college buddies. Instead of enjoying the beauty of Nyhavn or Christiania, all they could do was eat at McDonalds, shop at H&M, smoke pot every day, and still find time to bitch about how expensive everything is. I swear…
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You’re on to something. Yes, Romanians often ignore or minimize good aspects, but always point out the bad ones. I became really aware of this a few years ago, when I used to hang out on the Romanian Wikipedia. Hardly a day passed without someone complaining about how “bad/useless” the site was because of some (usually minor) problem they noticed, while ignoring how amazing it is to have a free encyclopaedia with thousands of articles written and maintained by volunteers, and all the aspects of it that actually work.
It seems like for Romanians, things are either perfect (and that’s not impressive, because “that’s how it’s supposed to be”) or worthless. There’s nothing in between. They can’t understand the concept of work in progress, or something that’s being improved – you either get it completely right on the first try, or you’re a failure.
I don’t know why this happens. Maybe it’s connected to the fact that Romanians are exposed to things that are awesome in other countries (by traveling or TV or whatever), but don’t realise just how much work went into them, and that they didn’t happen overnight. They assume “things being awesome” is default, so there must be something wrong about Romania because all the things aren’t awesome Right Now.
Another phenomenon that this post reminds me of (and is especially prevalent online) is that when Romanians decide to speak their mind, what comes out are often cliches. “Oh well if you make money then it’s fine” is in fact one of them. It’s like they’re afraid to actually think about the topic and make up their own nuanced opinion (or state it if they have it), and just fall back on pre-made empty phrases instead. This contributes to the general “Romanians complain all the time” picture – because there are already so many whiny, negative cliches in common speech/culture nowadays. I don’t even think people mean it all the time, it’s more of a habit. I really don’t understand this, seeing how I’m inclined to over-analyze everything myself. I guess it ensures a lot of people will agree with you, at least.
I think that, as a society, we would benefit from: noticing when things are particularly well done and not treating this as “default” and unimpressive; learning to appreciate ok things, even when there’s obviously room for improvement (because often a lot of work goes in organizing something that’s just ok, and it may well get better in time); and praising each other for a job well done. And maybe shutting up when we don’t have anything positive to say, and it’s not a matter of life and death. It’s what I try to do, at least.
Thing is, whining never makes anything better, ever. (Competent criticism might, but that’s a whole different story.) But a positive remark can at least make someone’s day. After all, the world is never going to be perfect, but it’s possible to have a good time even in a very imperfect world.
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u seem to be pretty decent. my comment was for sam who seems to snarl at us everytime a little something bothers him while walking round town. its weird cause he understands a lot of other things but when it comes to global perspectives he thinks we re not grateful enough(lol) somehow?
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first of all we look at america …and we see the shitty monster it has become. then we take a good look around europe and see they re in debt up their asses.and we thought things will be allright. as it turns out my dear friend the world is heading down. im surprised only the romanians see that. and we re fuckin sad because we ve been through every form of governance from democracy (when there were only a handful of independent nations(15?) in the 1900s that mattered on the map) to fascism, a bit of legionaries thing, then to comunism and now back to this lol democracy again. hell some people in romania are still alive and have experienced all these forms during their lifetime. whats their take on things do u think sam? On the other u were born in a hyperactive cauldron of “”democracy”” and think the world is great?? lol. i could rattle on but i preffer to be for now(with all the shit goin down in this world) not that positive because i know. dont u just love the merry go round idiots happy to sip their coffees every day without thinking for a while where all this is heading all the wars all this virtual money crap that seems to vanish and come back on our bill and blahh blahh. sometimes i wish i was a donkey tourist still thinking america leads the world in a proper manner and all of europe (the cradle of civilisation) is going somewhere up up working hard blahhhbalhhh but it aint. wake the fuk up sam and enjoy the little things when they pop. dont look out for artificial happiness cause round this area there s nothing artificial about us. we know how this shiity world works. and honestly im not gonna join this hyperactive bandwagon of donkeys heading nowhere.
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I think it is good not to take the whole load of the world’s problems up on our shoulders. We’re not here to cry for everyone and/or help everyone. Please do not take this too much ad litteram or think I am a 80 year old cynical fart. We’re all too many suffering from what I like to call “mother Theresa complex” by which we get too depressed and frustrated wanting to save too many orphans and downtrodden poor souls.
Guess what; the world’s been going down for millennia and we haven’t touched the rock bottom yet and I don’t think we ever will since there ain’t one (to use your style).
On a more philosophical note I think we’re not meant to care for so many things and, by extension, for so many people at once as we do today thanks to the media. We simply cannot cope with so many wanting so much attention from us. Which inexorably brings us down to being tense and frustrated all the time. We should learn how to relax in the most un-commercial sense possible and invest more in the relations and relationships we have at hand.
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Of course the first comment here was, if not deconstructing your argument, bitching about it.
Now putting that aside, I do understand your argument and I have to give you credit for it. I cannot but sense a bit of desperation in it as well and I understand that it must come from frustration. Getting over these negative feelings my question is: how sustainable is a society in which negative feelings prevail over the positive ones. How long until a sort of melt-down? Have there been societies like this before and how did the do in the long run? I ask because I genuinely don’t know and am curious. Secondly, what is there that I, an ex-pat citizen can do about it? How can we change? I presume that taking the whole country to a see a counsellor would be unfeasible. I also have a hunch that this is passed on from parents to children, like a cultural meme, and it’s got to that point where people have turned it into some sort of masochistic passion to whine and complain. I say this because based on your observations when their passion is undermined by “foreigners” they react aggressively and that only means that they’re trying to protect it. It’s theirs and others cannot even touch it. It all sounds like the entire Romanian society is going through some late stages of adolescence.
I like to think that this is a good thing as they may be the last struggles to the early adulthood of a society, so we’re on the right track even though it seems as if everything is crumbling down.
To wrap my brainfarts up, I’d like to see a constructive answer to this problem. A step-by-step solution. An algorithm that all can use in their daily lives to help themselves pull out of this (most of the time) self-inflicted agony.
In the end if we like to suffer that much it means that we are capable of loving to that intensity as well.
Just my tuppence.
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by your age you should know that there is nothing free. those concerts are not free, but are actually payed from the budget of the city hall, by all of us. as i don’t really go to concerts and i think Voltaj and Directia 5 are garbage, i feel a little bit ripped off. and to be honest, every person i know thinks that those concerts are organised just to promote one or another political candidate. Oh, and Transilvania Live is shit, just like any other news/general TV station in the world.
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