Yesterday the sun was shining and there was a fresh breeze in the air. The Woman and I took a nice long walk through some green spaces here in the magical metropolis of Cluj-Napoca, both of us engaged in my secret plan to plant thousands of sunflowers. We saw a pair of the most lovely, delicate butterflies flitting about. We saw the first ants of the year, industriously engaged in their ant business. We heard birds twittering and we saw the fragile, tender shoots of new plants rising out of the fertile earth.

Earlier in the day, I was visiting with a local hostel owner I know, selling him a few of my wonderful books. He assured me that tourist season was about to begin.

Me: No, you’re wrong. It has already begun!
Hostel Owner: What? How do you know?
Me: Grasshopper, you must learn to recognize the signs. First comes the melting of the snow.
Hostel Owner: Yes! And then the sun shines brightly for more than 12 hours per day.
Me: *sagacious nod*
Hostel Owner: And then you hear manele gently wafting through your window at night.
Me: *sagacious nod*
Hostel Owner: And the bees and ants are seen in the green, beautiful spaces.
Me: *sagacious nod*
Hostel Owner: And then the strawberries appear in the piata for the first time at prices that are not completely outrageous and insane.
Me: *sagacious nod*
Hostel Owner: And then the happy moment when the young women begin wearing skirts and shorts again.
Me: *sagacious nod*
Hostel Owner: And the city turns on the fountains again and people begin lounging in the square, sometimes casually reading a book or perhaps rollerblading around.
Me: *sagacious nod*
Hostel Owner: And all the gospodine begin cleaning their house from top to bottom.
Me: *sagacious nod*
Hostel Owner: Yes, you are right. All the signs of spring are here. Therefore tourist season is about to begin!

Me: No. You have forgotten the seventh seal of the tourism season, which has now been opened!
Hostel Owner: *gasp* My god, so soon?
Me: *sagacious nod* Yes, Grasshopper, it is true. Today I saw two enormous people in town, two giant members of the human race, two people who were not only colossally and fantastically overweight but also tall and incredibly broad-shouldered, two people who have spent a lifetime consuming an insanely protein-rich diet, who drank corn-sweetened drinks and ate corn chips and corn-fed beef since they were babies, two monster specimens of humanity wearing sagging, baggy jeans and wrinkled T-shirts with earnest sayings emblazoned on the front. Yes, my friend, it has happened. THE AMERICAN TOURISTS HAVE ARRIVED IN ROMANIA!
Hostel Owner: *gasp* I shall begin advertising breakfast for only 12 euros immediately!
Me: And don’t forget to stock up on Dracula T-shirts.
Hostel Owner: *enthusiastically shaking my hand with both of his* Thank you, thank you! A thousand blessings upon you and your family!

Me: *sagacious nod* You’re welcome. Now go forth and sell my book! :)