What’s the difference between me and you?
You talk a good one but you don’t do what you supposed to do!
Since the top of this website perennially screams I’m more Romanian than you! and yet my passport continues to remain blue, I’ve spent a lot of time (perhaps too much) thinking about exactly what is the difference between being Romanian and American.
Of course I’m not referring to the legal sense – that’s for embassies and governments to fuss over. Nor am I thinking about languages spoken or physical characteristics or clothing fashions or sports or music or anything else that’s either superficial or purely biological.
No. I’m talking about the fundamental dividing line between cultures, between mentalities, between attitude and perspective and yes, even spirit. What makes me American even when I’m eating mamaliga and humming dulce-i vinul while washing out my clothes in a lighean? And what makes my neighbor still Romanian while he’s watching Jay-Z on MTV and eating bites of KFC chicken in between talking on his iPhone?
Thanks to Google Books and a few other resources, I actually have read a great deal of Romanian literature – and philosophy – and I’ve certainly had many years now to sit and talk and – more importantly – listen to people and mull this question over and over in my mind.
Here’s what I think: as a society, I look at America and Romania as two young adults who had wildly different childhoods. And you can dress them in the same clothes and they can speak the same language but deep down inside, the mark of their past is forever imprinted on their hearts and their souls.
American had a very difficult childhood in terms of physical suffering. Yet this was combined with almost universal psychological encouragement. You might be cold, you might be hungry, you might live in a neighborhood devastated with violence and death but there’s always someone there to say, “You can do it! You’re still worthy! We support you! There’s always another chance to make this better and by gum, you can do it!”
Romania’s childhood, on the other hand, is almost out of a fairy-tale in terms of lack of physical suffering. Hunger is unknown. Walking the streets are safe. Almost nobody owns a gun and hearing shots fired is rarer than a lightning strike. If you get ill, you can go to the doctor, for goodness’ sake! And the likelihood of the police kicking in your door and dragging you off to butt-raping prison is virtually nil.
But there’s suffering a’plenty in Romania’s childhood and it’s all psychological – it’s all of the spirit. It’s the endless nagging and chiding to blend in, to do what’s corect, to not cause a fuss, to not ask questions, to never ask why or to disobey or act out. And over and over and over again, there’s always a chorus of “Life sucks, it’s terrible, everyone is your enemy, they’re all out to get you, poverty and woe is your lot in life and the wolf is always at the door.”
Physically speaking, there aren’t many obese people in Romania. Yet almost every Romanian I know is soft and flabby in spirit. At my old (American) job we used to joke that it wasn’t the first 40 hours of the work week that were tough but the last 40. Yet here in Romania it’s actually illegal to work more than 48 hours per week and yet Romanians still complain.
I don’t know a single Romanian who’s ever been hungry in the last 20 years – not desirous of food with stomach rumbling but 24 hours with nothing to eat, 48 hours, perhaps more, ravenously, almost murderously hungry. I don’t know a single Romanian who’s ever been involuntarily homeless, who’s slept in a car, who’s carried that demonic monkey on their back named heroin or crystal meth, who’s had their head slammed into the concrete by the police, who’s sat around drinking boiled coffee while going through the 12 steps in some shitty church basement, who’s seen the unblinking eye of a loaded gun pointed in their face, who’s had to pawn their wedding ring to buy diapers for their child, who’s had to work three jobs, who’s had to drive on a suspended license to get to work, fearful of a police checkpoint. Not a single one.
And yet every American I know has had to do these things or else knows someone who has.
A lot of Romanians get confused about America because they see those bright, shiny people on the TV and think that’s real life. But when Americans watch those same programs, they know it for what it is – a fantasy, no different than the plumber who gets invited in by the lusty housewife with silicone implants for some quick sex in a porno movie. It’s a nice story perhaps but in no way do you confuse it for reality.
And yet despite all of this – despite the hunger and the violence and the desperation, morale in America is (almost always) high. No matter how bad things get, an American will still have a gleam in their eye and tell you, “This year I’m going to turn my life around! This year I’m gonna make it big, I tell you!” They can laugh even in the hardest times because they were raised by many voices that always told them that they can do it, they can make it, they can succeed, that any little kid can grow up to be an astronaut, a doctor, a fighter pilot, a princess, a ballerina or heck, even the president of the United States.
That’s why I’m always (still!) so dumbfounded as I walk the streets of Romania. Here is the land of plenty, where food is abundant and healthy and nutritious, where old ladies and children can walk the streets in safety, where police have to fire off a “warning shot” before even attempting to shoot you, where not even the bank teller is behind bulletproof glass, where the private guards are fat, old men, where fish from the rivers are (largely) safe to eat, where cows can roam placidly without fences, where people can leave their dogs or baby strollers (UK: prams) outside a store as they dash inside, where everyone gets weeks of paid vacation and always has time during the workday for a coffee and a chat.
And yet Romanians are glum, morose, surly and laconic. They grumble and complain and are invariably suspicious, withdrawn and hostile to anyone they don’t know, and even to some that they do know. And, most surprising to me, they’re fearful, perpetually afraid of being taken advantage of, of being attacked in some way, being defrauded or cheated or of having their heart broken. They sing lines like cand ai bani ai si dusmani (when you get money, you also acquire enemies) or viata trece vrei nu vrei (you get old whether you like it or not) and countless hundreds and thousands more in this vein.
If you were a visitor from outer space you’d never guess it would be the Romanians who would be the ones who live in fear and cynical pessimism. You’d look at their soft, easy lives and imagine them to be the happy ones, the ones who laugh and smile with the shine of hope in their eyes as they tackle life’s problems with optimism and enthusiasm.
But no, it’s the opposite. America is the land of “rags to riches”, of abandoned, neglected, abused children who rise up against the odds to succeed. It’s America that’s the land where a teenager and a university dropout collaborate to form the company that ultimate designs that beloved iPhone. It’s America that’s the land where another university dropout became one of the richest people on the planet. It’s America where a child who was severely abused by his alcoholic coal-mining father, a child who grew up poor as dirt and then at age 65 went around the country, facing constant rejection until finally, finally he met with success and now it’s his iconic bow tie and glasses peering out all those Romanians in line at the mall. It’s in America that a young black kid grew up in one of the most violent projects in New York City, a kid at age 12 who shot his own brother, who is now shining forth from my neighbor’s TV.
And on and on and on. I may be wrong but I think this is exactly what the difference is between being Romanian and American. It has nothing to do with flags or languages or what kind of clothes you wear. It has to do with whether you look at little and see plenty, or look at plenty and see little. It has to do with whether you look at that glass and see it with just a few drops at the bottom and imagine it soon to be full again, or cry with despair at how little is left. It has to do with coming face to face with problems and saying, “What can I do about this?” or throwing up your hands and lamenting that nothing will ever change.
In this sense – and in this sense only – all I can say is that I wish more of my neighbors would be American. I wish they’d laugh along with me as I leave my muddy footprints on the windscreens of illegally parked X5’s, as I tell the bank that my mother and father’s names are Angelina and Brad, as I stand in the crowded aisles of the piata and talk about vegetables, as I do battle with the Draft Police and dance in the aisles of the train with total strangers, as I pick up garbage on the side of the road and as I read a funny poem on stage.
Truly, I do wish it. Because it gets mighty lonely being the only one who wakes up every morning in this beautiful land with a smile on my face, glad to be alive. Mighty lonely indeed.
All Things Romania 
Hello Sam,
Great observations and fun to read – thank you :)
It is as if you describe two sides of coin – and in my mind there is a “flip-coin” story to this … as I am neither American nor Romanian.
There is something of an illusion in the American outlook – 20 years ago I too was blinded by it and wanted a part of “the dream”. Today, to me it feels like an exaggeration and a false promise – so much so that it has led to some destructive economic ripples all over the planet. American culture feels to me so out of touch and misdirected – that they don’t know what to do with all their “positive I can” energy.
Romanians are realistically grounded – physically and metaphysically. While Americans are watching “Little House on the Prairie” on TV, Romanians are getting up early in the morning and wading through the mud. You yourself warned me of the potential hardships that may be heading our way as we make our move into a village life.
Can you see core shared values between the two cultures – a complementary view to the core differences? I believe it is shared values that make it possible for people like you (and I) to relocate our lives and then strive for something better.
All Things Good
:)
Ronen
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There are at least three elements that compose the actual Romanian unhappiness:
1 – it’s the “Romanian stigma” that I pointed out to you in a different comment;
2 – there is an “Eastern-European nostalgia”, which many historians, philosophers, etc. cannot explain yet; believe it or not, people from ex-communist countries (see Germans and their “ostalgie”) think that they had a better life during the communist regime and they would like to go back to that time, and I will give you several links where you can get more information about this subject:
# an excellent interview with Tzvetan Todorov, who says:
“I’m not speaking here of “Old Europe” and “New Europe” like Donald Rumsfeld, because for me all of Europe is old. These are countries that all live with a millenial history, unlike other countries made up of recent immigrants and therefore essentially united by a future project, rather than by a common past.”
http://www.eurozine.com/articles/2005-08-19-todorov-en.html
# some random statistics (figures are even higher in 2011): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhAXtVRopaw&feature=player_embedded
# http://www.ires.com.ro/articol/88/nostalgia-trecutului–sacrificiile-prezentului
# Post-Communist Nostalgia By Maria Todorova, Zsuzsa Gille
http://books.google.com/books?id=rL0JgtqKwNMC&lpg=PP1&ots=_ouLG1eR-e&dq=eastern%20europeans%20nostalgic%20communism&pg=PA36#v=onepage&q&f=false
3 – there is also the international recession, which has altered even the happiness and optimism of the most pragmatic people (e.g. http://www.cnbc.com/id/41984120).
Sam, I think Tzvetan Todorov’s quote can give you the best answer regarding the difference between you an us: Americans are united by a future project while Romanians are united by a common past. And that past (our childhood, in your terms) it wasn’t the way you see it today. As a nation, we had a brutal childhood, which spread over thousands of years, not only a few centuries.
No matter how much we can criticize the Westerns today, those movie show the American attitude: if the enemy attacks you (in this case, Indians), fight back! Read Romanian history. What is the best defense when enemies attack the villages? Burn down everything and hide in the mountains. This is exactly what Romanians are doing now. They don’t fight “criza”, they prefer to destroy what they have (Vai, vai, ce rau ne e!) and hide in a mountain of nostalgia (Ce bine era pe vremea lui Ceausescu!).
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Come on Mihaela, maybe americans used to fight for their rights, for freedom, but now? What do they fight for now? Nobody is doing anything about anything in America anymore because of the fear of not being politically correct, plus this country was so great before because it was different, it was a capitalist country and it was supposed to remain one, unfortunately though, we’re making big and fast steps toward socialism.
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America is already a socialist country and so it was in the last 50 years… just check the stats… look how much the government spends on healthcare, education and welfare (more than any other european country in the world/capita… nominal, ppp or in percentage)
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for our info, where do u live in america or romania?
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Zimbabwe…
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Yes, you are right, Romanians’ life is so easy, no one is homeless, no one is jobless, no one is a drug addict, no one shot anyone, it’s Heaven on Earth. Sadly, I have to let you know that I know Romanians that were arrested for drugs, I know Romanians that lost their jobs and houses and slept in their cars,sometimes on the streets, because they didn’t even own a car, I know Romanians that were sexually abused when they were kids and some of them have their own family and career now, because as you said they turned their lives around.
Let’s not forget the kids that died on the streets of Timisoara and Bucharest in ’89 so all of us could be free and living a better life today, or even more so we can get to see America. How about Americans? They are born free, they do take it for granted most of the times and that’s why they get to shoot their brothers, to beat up their moms or rape their little sisters.
Let’s not praise people like Jay-z, that sang/rapped about all the worst things that happen on the streets of BedStuy and became cool, because all the other Brooklyn “boys” could relate to his experiences, or because let’s face it, America is the place where big stars are born(some of them with no talent). Yeah, I agree, Zuckerberg and Gates were/are geniuses, but given the opportunity I bet Romanians would be likely to excel as well, and let’s not forget that the majority working for Microsoft and Facebook are romanians. But then back to romanians, how about Brancusi, why no one mentions him? He was born in a poor village, from very poor parents who worked back-breaking jobs every day just to be able to feed him. Since he was a kid he worked around his parents’ house and then went to Craiova as a houseman…and later became what he became, but why isn’t any one mentioning him? Of course we all know Matt Damon, that had the opportunity to go to Harvard and of course dropped out, but he became a “big” actor… do lots of people know Marcel Iures,though, who is a much talented and educated actor, who made stellar movies, but never made it as a world wide known actor, just because he was born in Romania and not America?!?
Don’t you know any romanian, that came to the States for a better life and worked their a**es off in jobs that americans wouldn’t do, just so they can send their kids to school in Romania?
How can you say romanians have such an amazing and easy life and still complain, while americans work 60 hours weeks? You are wrong, most americans don’t want to work, most of them were happy when Obama gave more unemployment time, they are happy to live in projects and on welfare and deal drugs, still cars, or jewelry to make extra money instead of looking for a real job. The americans are happy to take loans and drown in debt that they are sure will never be able to pay, just to buy a flat screen tv and fancy clothes, but then again, thank God for bankruptcy…
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Don’t forget about those MILLIONS of americans who died in the Civil War
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Millions, are u kidding me, even if it was the deadliest war in their history, not even 1 million died!!!!
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There are only 500 Romanians at Microsoft… stop with this bullshit! (Microsoft has 80k employees). Brancusi was FRENCH (he was born in Romania… but that doesn’t make him Romanian).
Honest people who remained without a home in Romania are 1 in a million… personally I don’t know any and I never heard of any!
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brancusi was born and raised in Romania, like me, if I moved to the states now I’m not romanian anymore?
i’m not even gonna go into it, ur too rude and ignorant!!!
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> “Brancusi was FRENCH (he was born in Romania… but that doesn’t make him Romanian).”
Brancusi gave up his Romanian citizenship in response to communist Romania’s attitude towards his art (the Romanian Academy had labeled his works as “formal”, “lacking humanism” and examples of “cosmopolitan burgeoisie”). But the main reason he became a French citizen in 1952 was to enable Natalia Dumitrescu and Alexandru Istrati (the young Romanians who took care of him in his last years) to inherit part of his works.
Legally, Brancusi was a Romanian for 76 years and a French for his last 5 years. Enough reasons for Grigore to erase Brancusi from Romanian culture…
> “Honest people who remained without a home in Romania are 1 in a million… personally I don’t know any and I never heard of any!”
Oh, I see! So if you personally don’t know any and never heard of any, then obviously there aren’t any… An amazing sample of Gregorian logic! I wished I didn’t know you… then obviously you wouldn’t exist! Wouldn’t that be nice?
Grigore, I really wished you’d spare us your ignorance.
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thank u sir, right on!!!!
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In fairness, there is also the story of the kid who came up from the projects and whose mother was illiterate to become a neurosurgeon.
There’s Joe Biden, who grew up working-class in Scranton and is now a lawyer and the vice president of the United States.
There’s our own president.
My parents themselves rose up out of the working class and now have masters’ degrees and relatively nice salaries which combined place them in the top 5% of income.
I think what’s separating Romania from experiencing a concomitant psychological improvement, in part, is the vast gulf between Romania and the United States in terms of their economic success. Romania has this friggin’ great land to live in but their government is shit and their economy sucks. There’s a reason people pour out of the country, and there are reasons that I would LOVE to visit my best friend in Romania but never live there and there are reasons that my best friend wants to get out of Romania eventually.
Until the very real problems of economic slumps and corruption are dealt with Romania will not get happier. Of course, these problems have been discussed to death and probably nothing short of another Romanian Revolution (hopefully not bloody) will get rid of the shit.
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You are so right, that’s why I left Romania to come to New York also, but not a lot of romanians have the same opportunity and let’s face it, nowadays, the economy and the government sucks in the states also…still America has the advantage of being the first power in the world for so many years and not being screwed up by the communists.
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The foreigners are over-exaggerating about the corruption. I’m 22 and I never encountered any kind of situations where I had to bribe someone or someone requested something from me to get the right service. Most of the people never deal with corruption only at the hospital… where a lot of them feel that giving something to the Doctor is like an obligation… but I’m telling you that if you won’t give him anything you’ll get the same service.
Economic success? I don’t know… If I would come tomorrow in the US I’ll have to search for months to find a job or an internship in engineering (in manufacturing because that’s the field I like). Here I have options after options to choose from. I don’t know how many average students in the US have so many options when they graduate…
Do I have to tell you that during my internship I was paid for being trained, all the meals I ate there were free and the transportation to the job was free too? This is the German model and it’s applied by many German/Austrian companies who came in Romania (a lot).
I don’t know how the average folks benefit from that american economic success (if they benefit) but I know that being a graduate today in Romania is better than being a graduate in many developed countries!
Most of the people who leave the country are uneducated. There are a lot of options for them too but in Romania because 95% of population owns a home they don’t like to move from a city to another and pay a rent for housing… they prefer to find something in their area or leave the country (most of the jobs provide housing in agriculture in Spain/Italy… but anyway… the salaries are similar with what one can make here. A shepherd in Italy makes about 800 euros and he has to deal with the italian cost of living. A shepherd in Romania makes about 700 euros and he gets a share of the products too… And there’s a huge shortage of shepherds. A lathe operator in Romania makes about 400-500 euros + benefits (free meals when he’s at work, free transportation, a small share of the profits at the end of the year… usually about 800 euros/year). There’s a huge shortage of them too… but they prefer to go in Italy and work for 1000 euros and pay the expensive rent there, live away from their family and so on… why? I don’t know… probably because they are stupid). As an engineer trainee in Romania I’ll make about 500 euros… but all those money will go directly into my savings account because I have a home, I’ll eat at work (for free) and I don’t have to pay 1000 insurances and taxes and mortgage or debt… If I’ll move to US I’ll make probably about 3000? (if I find a job) Then I’ll have to pay taxes on those 3000, transportation, food, rent, other expenses… and at the end of the month I’ll probably remain with less than 500 euros (about 700$) living away from my family and friends, in a different culture, using a different language and having to work more than the native for the same benefits… also the chances to get promoted are smaller.
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If you don’t complain you’re not Romanian. Doesn’t matter how rich, how poor, how hungry or how fat. You have to complain. Embrace it!
I do love Romania so much more than Romanians here do.
I have to disagree to say Romania has always been this wealthy. When I was growing up here there were times when food was scarce, and there was no variety in stores. Nowadays, you can get practically anything here.
I’ve been living here for 2 months so far and I recently realized I will be sad to go back to America. I’ve been thinking of ways to build a life here, because I’ve fallen in love with the country.
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Dude you are so right. Moving away from Romania was the best thing that could ever happen to me: I was able to see the country from a different angle; different from what my parents and my friends. And I got to appreciate it so much more.
Thank you, once again.
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I don’t know, man…I agree with most of what you say, as I have no interest in going back to America the POLICE STATE at all. In fact, everyone asks me when I’m coming to visit, and I’m like…………..never. But I could make more money in a day in America than some people make here in a month. I see lazy fatass Americans collecting more in welfare than some Romanians make busting their asses in a field for 12 hours a day. And that is SAD, bro.
Some guy wanted to hire me as a video editor here for 1500RON a month. On jobs in the states, I could make 750USD on a 12 hour red-eye job. I’d average 200-300 USD a day when things were prosperous.
Even the shit jobs scrubbing toilets or flipping burgers in the states pay 7-8 USD an hour.
Then lets talk about economy. I go to Cora, and I see products that cost an assload. Some things are COMPLETELY out of economic context here. A good American job can buy an iMac for two weeks’spay. Here, they want 9700RON. Who has that here?? Beside maybe the translators I’ve had to hire for 100RON an hour?
I see toasters for 100-200RON. What the fuck is that? In America I can get one for 14-30 bucks. I’ve seen nail clipper sets here for 80RON. Are kidding me? Those things should be like 12-15 USD.
700RON for a vacuum cleaner? Are you shitting me? I got a Fantom Fury in the states for like 119-140USD.
My intent is not to bitch, truly. I guess what I’m saying is if the people here are going to be paid 1000-2000 RON a month, then things should be in context with that pay. I would think that a toaster in Romania should be like 15-30RON. The food is pretty much in context with the economy. Where else can you buy the best bread ever for .25 US cents a loaf? Or such healthy fruits and veggies not tainted by poisons? Definitely not in America, where the food is nothing but pure garbage.
I understand the whole global trade and manufacturing end of it, yeah, but damn, who the hell should work a day or two for a freaking toaster?
Then the driving licence thing. Paying off the cops to get a driver’s licence? What is that? Someone explain that one to me……
The 24th of this month will be my one year anniversary in Romania., and the truth is I absolutely love it here. The culture is a millions times cooler than America, the countryside is gorgeous, learning the language is a bitch, but I’m managing well. My composing and art have never been so inspired. But make no mistake about it, Romania is a poor country. Just look at the world fact book and see the numbers. Sure, they’re doing great compared to communism 25 years ago, and we can only pray the New World Order keeps their fangs out of this place in the future.
Despite all of that though, I would never go back to America, where the first thing I would encounter is being groped and prodded by the TSA before I even got out of the airport. And if I was to refuse the groping, welll……I’d be labeled a dissenter or terrorist of course.
Despite the things that I find inconvenient in Romania, I wouldn’t leave this place. Never.
Just another perspective, bro
.
-DudeImmInRomania
PS, speaking of video editing, I just made this about Romania. Cannot deny the beauty of this nation, for sure.
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Phil, I have seen many Youtube videos about Romania, but I have never enjoyed any as much as I enjoyed watching yours right now. It was absolutely beautiful. Thank you!
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Thank you very much sir. :)
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I agree.
The problem is that the prices in Romania are at the level of the EU, but the salaries are less than half.
Thanks for the video!
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Thanks bro!
It looks awesome!
Thanks for including my hometown Arad at the beginning.
Also, there is a picture at 10:03 which I believe represents “Piata Catedralei” or as they formerly called it “Piata Operei” and is from TIMISOARA. I was there at university afor 5 years and 3 more years lived there, so I believe I can correctly recall it!
Great memories!!
A+
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I wonder why we were so much happier in the 90’s. We were much poorer then. I remember those days when the cities looked like they have been abandoned since the 1960’s, with all the dacias running around, the potholes, the trash piling up on the side of the streets, the disabled playgrounds…but by god, everybody was happy and full of hope. I don’t know what happened…
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Romania had just told Communism to get the fuck out.
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you are so right…americans live in a fantasy made by their brains, romanian live in a REAL fantasy world and they don’t see it. I can’t wait to come back
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You wouldn’t know how much I can understand you. After coming back from Fucking Freezing Land, for 2 years I woke up every day saying : Thank you God for bringing me back to Romania. I have the option to wake up at 9. am. I have the option to walk 2 minutes, buy some eggs and have them prepared in my kitchen in less than 10 minutes. And if i want some beer, I can get beer for 2 RON from the corner store.
No traffic tickets, no parking tickets, no “50bucks/hour” mechanics.
But indeed, most of my Romanian friends do not know how to appreciate what they have…we would need more Americans in Romania, to show us how to see the bright side of life.
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So where exactly is the Fucking Freezing Land?
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Probably the United States. Somewhere near the Canadian border. I know the weather up north; it’s freezing.
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It might be Finland…..
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