Worms Are Eating Adrian Zuckerman’s Brain

At least, that’s the only logical explanation I can find for his remarks last week.

Adrian Zuckerman is the U.S. Ambassador to Romania, hand-picked by Donald Trump himself.

Zuckerman has lied plenty of times in the past, including when he told the Senate (during his confirmation hearing) that he speaks Romanian when he clearly doesn’t.

But his latest paranoid delusion, posted on the U.S. Embassy’s official website, takes lying to a whole new level.

Concerning yet another new NATO contract for useless weapons that’ll further bankrupt Romania, Zuckerman said:

I want the people of Romania to know that the people of the United States support you, President Trump supports you, and I support you.

Let me be very clear—this is not a routine business agreement. Romania and Poland are linchpins in the defense of Europe’s eastern flank. Sevastopol is less than 600 kilometers away from us. Tiraspol is 400 kilometers away. The hybrid threats we face are real and they are close.

Lord have mercy.

Let’s review the facts, shall we?

Russia has a grand total of 1,400 (one thousand, four hundred) soldiers in “Tiraspol.” These soldiers have zero planes, helicopters, or missiles. There is no way for them to do absolutely anything to Romania remotely.

For those soldiers to attack Romania (which, again, is a ludicrous thing to even consider), they’d have to first invade and attack the Republic of Moldova. And since Russia and Moldova (Chisinau) are on very good terms, it makes even less sense for Russia to do such a thing.

Again, we’re talking about a theoretical invasion involving a grand total of 1,400 soldiers, a dozen tanks, and maybe 50 pieces of artillery… all just so they can “attack” Romania for no reason whatsoever.

And in case you’re thinking “Russia will just bring in the planes/missiles/etc to Tiraspol” when they invade Romania, I’ll kindly remind you to look at a damn map. You’ll see that a giant country called Ukraine sits between Russia and Tiraspol.

But why let facts get in the way, amirite?

Listen, I know that America is rapidly devolving into a state of lawless anarchy and has the worst health care in the world, but I do hope that Ambassador Zuckerman gets the treatment he needs to remove the worms from his brain.

Zuckerman remotely addresses the NATO conference

Because frankly, he looks like shit.

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