Hello, my name is Sam Cel Roman, and this is my website about all things Romania. I now have a personal website, which you can find here.

This website was given a make-over on January 11, 2016. Don’t be afraid! Change is good :)

Just who the heck do you think you are?

Do you speak Romanian? Then watch this video. It’ll explain everything.

In English however I’ll tell you that I’m an American who once came to Romania long ago, just to visit. Now I live in Chisinau, the capital of Moldova, and speak Romanian every single day. I think this post also goes a long way to explaining things as well.

How do I find the good stuff on your blog?

Good question! Use the menu (three horizontal lines on some mobile devices) to access the main menu. You should be able to find what you’re looking for pretty easily.

It’s too much to read, help!

Either use the categories to find something interesting, or click here to get a random article.

I’ve been writing this blog for years now so there are thousands of articles. Should give you thousands of hours of enjoyment, assuming of course you enjoy what I write :)

How did you learn to speak Romanian?

Peaches and cake! It was a breeze. I learned Romanian in 37 easy steps.

Hey, I want to learn to speak Romanian too. What should I do?

Move to Romania? :P

There are tons of useful links for you if this is your quest although God knows why in the world you would want to learn to speak Romanian. Unless they’re running a language school and hope to make money from you, not one single Romanian has any interest whatsoever in you speaking their language aside from teaching you a handful of words. They’re all far more interested in learning English (or other languages) from you.

Nonetheless, if you insist on pursuing this, I can’t stop you.

How do I contact you to tell you my opinion about all of this stuff? I really have a lot I need to tell you!

See the word “Contact” in the main menu? Click there. Or here, I’ll give you an easy click to get to it. I’m on Facebook, Google Plus, and Twitter, I have a public email account and in some cases you can write comments directly on the blog.

Sam, I contacted you but you didn’t reply!

Hang in there, okay? Really. I’m not so famous yet or so busy that I ignore anyone but it just might take some time. I usually respond within 24 hours.

Sam, how do I find certain things that you’ve written?

Go to the main menu (looks like 3 horizontal bars on some devices). Right at the top on the right-hand corner there are the words “Searching of Great Searchiness”. There’s a blank space right underneath there. Type in what you’re looking for and press ENTER on your keyboard.

Sam, I’m largely illiterate so how do I just skip right to the videos?

Go to my YouTube account. All my videos are right there, including some that don’t get mentioned or linked to on the blog.

Sam, I find what you write so booooooring. Where are all the cat pictures?

They’re on my special cat blog, of course!

Sam, I L-O-V-E you and want to marry you!!!

Awesome, I appreciate the enthusiasm. However, I am now married to a wonderful woman. Check back with me in about 50 years or so.

You suck, so go back to Hungary, you liberal idiot!

Once again, I am American. However, it must be noted that it would be inconceivable that everyone in the world would like what I write – or agree with it – or approve of it or anything else. Feel free to contact me and vent your frustrations. I don’t mind.

Be aware however that sometimes I publish messages I receive, both in support and those critical of me. You can find all of these under the category heading of mailbag, logically enough.

You’re a rich foreign bastard and that’s why you like Romania! I’m Romanian and poor and so I know why it sucks.

Well you’re certainly entitled to your opinion but you are sadly mistaken when it comes to understanding my experiences here. First read this article and then you will understand I’ve had some tough times in Romania myself.

Sam, I want you to write some shit for me for free!

Awesome. I want you to come to my house and fix my plumbing for free. Then you can install some windows while you’re at it, and then paint my ceiling.

I want to interview you for my blog/newspaper/TV station, etc!

No problem. You can easily contact me and we’ll set it up.

Hey, I don’t speak English so good but I need to communicate with you. What do I do?

Write to me in Romanian!

Who is responsible for ruining Romania?

Easy.

1) Misery Pimps
2) Alison Mutler
3) The Economist
4) Romanian Ministry of Tourism
5) Corrupt bastards
6) Cronica Carcotasilor

Are you a CIA spy?

Yes I am. Unfortunately after years of training and millions of dollars spent training me to be a stealthy undercover operative of the United States, somehow you and you alone have pierced through my disguises and discovered my true identity. Damn!

Seriously, how do you make money?

Same way you do. I perform work for other people and they pay me for it.

Now that my days of being a male supermodel are over, mostly I perform tedious computer tasks for a private American firm. I also sell books and the occasional T-shirt. Pretty much everything I do for money though is done over the internet in one way or another.

Can I make money doing that too?

Well you can certainly write your own books and design T-shirts but if you’re asking me whether I or someone I know is hiring, the answer is no.

There are however, lots of ways to make money from the internet. Sometimes you can get hired like in a “regular job” and just work from home. You can start your own business. Or you can do freelance jobs, meaning you complete one thing at a time for one client for a set fee. I know people who are involved in all of these, including Romanians.

This isn’t a business advice website however so you’ll have to figure this stuff out on your own. I’m convinced it’s the “wave of the future” and that more and more people will be doing it soon.

If I come to Chisinau, can we meet and have a drink together?

Sure! I meet people all the time who found me via my blog. Once again, find a way to contact me and we’ll work something out.

What makes you think you’re more Romanian than me?

Did you watch the video or not? I don’t think I am more Romanian than you, I know I am.

When you’ve traveled to the Banat, Chisinau, Cernauti, Oltenia, Muntenia, Bucovina, Dobrogea, Maramures, Transylvania, RM and (Romanian) Moldova, driven a horse and cart, made your own cheese, danced folkloric dances, drank tuica on an Army base, lived in a village, given several dozen Scoldings of Righteousness, made your own pickles, given directions to the CEC, know all the words to Partidul, Ceausescu, Romania, fought with a crooked and corrupt mayor, volunteered with kids, won a court case in the hideously corrupt Romanian justice system, learned the history of trenul foamei and been on every major television channel, then we can talk and see who is more Romanian, you or I.

Bine? :P

Seriously though, there’s too much to read here. Can’t you just tell me what it’s all about?

I lived in Romania for more than a decade, and now I live in the Republic of Moldova, where I speak Romanian every single day. I more or less like my life here a lot and so does just about every foreigner I know here. I believe Romanians could too if they only got over a stupid cultural belief that neaparat Romania sucks. Furthermore, yes there are some real problems. I believe there are things ordinary people can do to make things better besides just complaining. This is mostly what I write about.

Short enough for you?

O ROMÂNIE FRUMOASA E SARCINA TUTUROR?

Damn right!