Just who the heck do you think you are?

Do you speak Romanian? Then watch this video. It’ll explain everything.

In English however I’ll tell you that I’m an American who once came to Romania long ago, just to visit. Now I live here. I think this post also goes a long way to explaining things as well.

How do I find the good stuff on your blog?

Good question! Look on the right-hand column from the main page. If you scroll down you’ll see “My Stuff in Romanian”. That has all the stuff I’ve ever been involved with in the Romanian language. It should explain everything if you’re a Romanian person reading this.

Likewise, in English, most of the good stuff is in the right-hand column. I wrote a number of books, I’ve made episodes for my documentary and I’ve produced a number of videos and written a lot of blog posts in English. They can all be found by clicking on things in the right-hand column of the main page of this blog.

It’s too much to read, help!

See the purple die (zar) that says “Roll The Dice”? Click on it or click here. It will take you to a random article.

I’ve been writing this blog for years now so there are hundreds and hundreds of articles. Should give you thousands of hours of enjoyment, assuming of course you enjoy what I write :)

How did you learn to speak Romanian?

Peaches and cake! It was a breeze. I learned Romanian in 37 easy steps.

Hey, I want to learn to speak Romanian too. What should I do?

Move to Romania? :P

There are tons of useful links for you if this is your quest although God knows why in the world you would want to learn to speak Romanian. Unless they’re running a language school and hope to make money from you, not one single Romanian has any interest whatsoever in you speaking their language aside from teaching you a handful of words. They’re all far more interested in learning English (or other languages) from you.

Nonetheless, if you insist on pursuing this, I can’t stop you. Look in the right-hand column under “Romanian Language” and you should see some useful stuff. I have zero commercial or financial ties to any of those places so I am not officially endorsing them or anything, simply linking to them.

I also regularly write posts on the Romanian language, which you can find by clicking on “Romanian language” in the category field.

How do I contact you to tell you my opinion about all of this stuff? I really have a lot I need to tell you!

See the word “Contact” on the top of the main blog page? Click there. Or here, I’ll give you an easy click to get to it. I’m on Facebook and Twitter, I have a public email account and in some cases you can write comments directly on the blog.

Sam, I contacted you but you didn’t reply!

Hang in there, okay? Really. I’m not so famous yet or so busy that I ignore anyone but it just might take some time.

Sam, how do I find certain things that you’ve written?

Go to the main blog page. Right at the top on the right-hand corner there are the words “Searching of Great Searchiness”. There’s a blank space right underneath there. Type in what you’re looking for and press ENTER on your keyboard.

Sam, I’m largely illiterate so how do I just skip right to the videos?

Go to my YouTube account. All my videos are right there, including some that don’t get mentioned or linked to on the blog.

Sam, I find what you write so booooooring. Where are all the cat pictures?

Again, go to the right-hand column of the main blog page. You’ll see something called “Kategory Kloud of Kewlness”. This is where all my posts are sorted into categories. You can click on “cats!” and all the posts (and pictures) of my cats will appear like magic before your very eyes.

Sam, I L-O-V-E you and want to marry you!!!

Awesome, I appreciate the enthusiasm. However as many other people have expressed the same sentiment, I’m afraid you’ll have to apply in person as we are not currently accepting online applications.

You suck so go back to Hungary you idiot!

Once again, I am American. However, it must be noted that it would be inconceivable that everyone in the world would like what I write – or agree with it – or approve of it or anything else. Feel free to contact me and vent your frustrations. I don’t mind.

Be aware however that sometimes I publish messages I receive, both in support and those critical of me. You can find all of these under the category heading of mailbag, logically enough.

You’re a rich foreign bastard and that’s why you like Romania! I’m Romanian and poor and so I know why it sucks.

Well you’re certainly entitled to your opinion but you are sadly mistaken when it comes to understanding my experiences here. First read this article and then you will understand I’ve had some tough times here myself.

Sam, I want you to write some shit for me for free!

Awesome. I want you to come to my house and fix my plumbing for free. Then you can install some windows while you’re at it and paint my ceiling.

I want to interview you for my blog/newspaper/TV station, etc!

No problem. You can easily contact me and we’ll set it up.

Hey, I don’t speak English so good but I need to communicate with you. What do I do?

Contact my colleague Iuliana, who handles all of these kinds of things for me. She’s Romanian and she’s very nice. You can either email her or call her (in Romania) at 0743-604-996.

She also speaks English and German by the way.

Who are the people that you think are fucking shit up for this country?


1) Misery Pimps
2) Alison Mutler
3) The Economist
4) Romanian Ministry of Tourism
5) Corrupt bastards
6) Cronica Carcotasilor

Are you a CIA spy?

Yes I am. Unfortunately after years of training and millions of dollars spent training me to be a stealthy undercover operative of the United States, somehow you and you alone have pierced through my disguises and discovered my true identity. Damn!

Seriously, how do you make money?

Same way you do. I perform work for other people and they pay me for it.

Now that my days of being a male supermodel are over, mostly I perform tedious computer tasks for a private American firm. I also sell books and the occasional T-shirt. Sometimes I do things for people here in the city and that makes a couple dollars (lei/euros, etc). Pretty much everything I do for money though is done over the internet in one way or another.

Can I make money doing that too?

Well you can certainly write your own books and design T-shirts but if you’re asking me whether I or someone I know is hiring, the answer is no.

There are however, lots of ways to make money from the internet. Sometimes you can get hired like in a “regular job” and just work from home. You can start your own business. Or you can do freelance jobs, meaning you complete one thing at a time for one client for a set fee. I know people who are involved in all of these, including Romanians.

This isn’t a business advice website however so you’ll have to figure this stuff out on your own. I’m convinced it’s the “wave of the future” and that more and more people will be doing it soon.

If I come to Cluj, can we meet and have a drink together?

Sure! I meet people all the time who found me via my blog. Once again, find a way to contact me and we’ll work something out.

What makes you think you’re more Romanian than me?

Did you watch the video or not? I don’t think I am more Romanian than you, I know I am.

When you’ve traveled to the Banat, to Oltenia, Muntenia, Bucovina, Dobrogea, Maramures, Crisana and Modova, driven a horse and cart, made your own cheese, danced folkloric dances, drank tuica on an Army base, lived in a village, given several dozen Scoldings of Righteousness, given directions to the CEC, know all the words to Partidul, Ceausescu, Romania, fought with a crooked and corrupt mayor, volunteered with kids, learned the history of trenul foamei and been on every major television channel, then we can talk and see who is more Romanian, you or I.

Bine? :P

Seriously though, there’s too much to read here. Can’t you just tell me what it’s all about?

I live in Romania. I more or less like my life here a lot and so does just about every foreigner I know here. I believe Romanians could too if they only got over a stupid cultural belief that neaparat Romania sucks. Furthermore, yes there are some real problems. I believe there are things ordinary people can do to make things better besides just complaining. This is mostly what I write about.

Short enough for you?


Damn right!

38 Responses »

  1. I almost died laughing watching your ProTV interview–and was super stoked to hear of another Romanophile! I used to live in Cluj and I LOVED it! Romania is my home away from home. I’m glad to see someone raising awareness about this amazing country! Sanatate si succes!


  2. ‘Romaniac’, that’s the word I prefer. And you’re not the only one, but perhaps the most prolific.


  3. another stupid american that should be impaled or raped by some horny ex-cons


  4. Voi comenta in romana ca un semnde respect pentru tine si efortul de a invata romana.

    Vroiam sa iti zic ca imi place MULT bogul tau, te-al link-uit pe facebook, barfit la prietenii de origine australiana (sau non-romna). Acum esti un mic star printre cercul meu de prieteni.



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  7. First off I want to say superb blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind.
    I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your head before writing.
    I have had trouble clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out there.

    I truly do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes tend to be
    wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or tips?

    Many thanks!


  8. I believe that you have to be neaparat american in order to be able to become a true rrrromanian and to love this country. Or british, like a prince I’ve heard about… It’s something specific to expats from everywhere. Even romanians love Uganda, Congo or Tadjiklistan after one year of staying there.


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