The following is a rough transcript from a recording of a private performance given on October 18, 2012 at [redacted] in Romania.
So of course, yes, a lot of people always ask me, hey Sam, why do you live here? And of course I’m expecting this question so I throw out the easy answers, blah, blah, chicks are hot, nice mountains, blah, blah whatever. You know what I’m saying? And they nod their head, yeah, yeah. So hot chicks, blah, blah, tuica, tuica. And then sometimes just for the hell of it I will throw ’em a curveball.
I tell ’em, “And fuck the Army. I don’t mean the Romanian Army of course. The absolute only thing I know about ’em is I once got drunk as hell on tuica at a kind of an Army base and I almost stole some potatoes and then the colonel came in and got super angry but who can blame him? Other than that, no problem. Theres like 20 of them in Afghanistan or whatever and I’ve got no problem with that. There’s always a few guys who just do better psychologically when they’re shooting big guns and sometimes killing people. Better there than here.
But no, other than that the Romanian Army doesn’t do shit except a whole lot of preparing. Woopee. I’m talking about the American Army. Fuck those guys. And when I say Army I mean ALL the soldiers or marines or squeebees or whatever the fuck. I don’t give a fuck what branch or squad or troop or what. Fuck the Army. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of seeing dead babies on TV and going, ‘I somehow played a role in that.’ I’m sick of it. I don’t care if it’s some mullah dude with a long beard that you fucking killed. I’m sick of the Army killing people.
And I don’t just mean fuck all foreign wars. I mean fuck all of the Army. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of the fact that they or one of their computers will read this and there’s a possibility greater than zero that somebody may want to kill me just for saying this! Fuck it! I’m sick of it. I’m sick of that paranoia. I’m sick of paying millions of dollars to blow people and buildings and animals and cities up. I don’t care if a guided missile cost four bucks! That doesn’t make it better somehow. It doesn’t make me want you to go buy more. No, no, no!! No more.
You want our weapons? Go ahead and fucking take ’em. Have fun killing yourselves with ’em dumb-dumbs. Go ahead. No charge. Take ’em. You pay the shipping and they are fucking yours. I don’t care how much they cost! We don’t need them or want them anymore!
Oh Sam, you fucking idiot, what about our ENEMIES?. Yeah so what? Fuck our enemies. You want to come here and kill us, go right fucking ahead. What are they going to do? Seriously? Tanks driving across Texas like fucking Red Dawn? Give me a fucking break. Nobody is going to attack America like that you paranoid fucks!
Oh Sam you forgot about the teeeerorist. Fuck the terrorist. Go ahead, blow up all the fucking bombs you want to, you illiterate fucks! Do you think that’s going to change anything?
Just speaking only monetarily it’d be cheaper just to let ’em fucking blow up buildings and then rebuild ’em than all these fucking missiles and drones and other stupid shit! Christ. Invite them over. Go ahead. Blow up a skyscraper every fucking week. We’ll just build a shitload more with all the money we’re saving by not having death robots circling in the fucking sky! Shit!
And really, how many fucking terrorists are there? Go ahead. Let’s see what you got, you stupid punks. I bet you can’t even beat pneumonia deaths you morons! Fucking useless. I’m sick of all this shit. I’m sick of killing people for ANY FUCKING REASON. You got it? I’m sick of it. I am fucking sick of it, motherfuckers.
Oh Sam, you’re blah blah the fucking blessed blah blah members of our majestic armed fucking forces. Fuck you. I got nothing against soldiers, you dumb fuck. I just want them all retired. Let them go pave roads or be fucking lawyers or whatever the fuck because I don’t GIVE A SHIT. It’s the fucking ARMY I hate. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of fucking tanks and firehoses or whatever the fuck or napalm or all of that SHIT. I fucking hate it.
And I fucking hate that if you dare say anything against it oh then you’re some kind of TERRORIST. Yeah dumbass. I don’t even eat fucking meat but somehow I want to go shoot bullets at you or whatever the fuck so I change your mind about fucking KILLING people. No. It’s called logic. Try it you illiterate fucks. I am sick of killing people. I’m sick of finding more high tech fucking ways to do it too.
Oh Sam, you’re so naive. Fuck you. Fucking Army, go to hell. I’d rather be poor and invaded by Mexicans than fucking keep killing people! What is it you don’t understand? This isn’t some 50 shades of fucking gray ethics here, dumbass. It goes worst fucking thing is murdering people and then everything else is LESS worse than that. How hard is that to get through your skulls?
So yeah. I can say that here, in Romania, in public, without either getting lynched by a bunch of patriotic retards from the land of the so-called fucking free or actually fucking getting killed. So yeah that’s one of the reasons I live here, because I can say stuff like that,” I told her.