IMRTY’s First Annual Alison Mutler Parody Contest


Yes! I am hereby opening comments because I am inviting you to participate in I’m More Romanian Than You!‘s first official contest!

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find an actual news story written in Romanian and then re-write it in English in the fabulous style of Alison Mutler.

Official Rules

  1. The original story must come from Click!, Romania’s #1 source for hard-hitting news. It can be either a recent article or an older one. Be sure to include a link to the original story.
  2. Your story must be in English and at least three paragraphs long.
  3. You must include at least one irrelevant remark, comment or observation about Romania. Bonus points if you reference something that is completely unsubstantiated or otherwise verifiable.
  4. Either directly or indirectly, you must insult or disparage Romania.
  5. References to Gypsies, orphans, poverty and/or the color purple are always welcome.

Couldn’t be simpler! Once all the entries are completed, I’ll put up a new post and allow all of you, the readers, to vote on the selections.

Grand Prize: The winning entry will be printed out and mailed to the Bucharest office of the Associated Press. Likewise, a copy will be emailed to Alison Mutler (yes, I have her email address). And if you make me laugh, I might send you one of my books.

To get you started, I’ve prepared a few entries:

Original Click! article here:

Romania: Locals prepare for wild Spring Break parties

BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) – Romanians are known to party hearty and workers are scrambling to prepare resorts on the Black Sea coast before the arrival of hordes of merrymakers on May 1.

Click, a daily newspaper, has reported Thursday that construction crews are out in force to repair and reinforce the streets near Mamaia, Romania’s version of “Daytona Beach”, where throngs of drunken university students flock to the seaside to party and dance through the night.

Romania, a country long known for its wretched and frighteningly dangerous railway system, has boosted the number of train routes to the seaside in anticipation of the university students’ arrival.

Original Click! article here:

Romania’s answer to Eminem wins talent show

BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) – Known as the “Orphan of Focsani”, 19-year-old Adrian Tutu became the first winner of “Romania’s Got Talent”, a national television show that is similar to “American Idol”.

Invoking the spirit of Eminem, the young rapper, dressed in a stylish oversized red baseball cap and a delicately fluted teal and purple hoody, charmed his way past several talented and deserving ethnic Rroma (Gypsy) contestants to claim the 120,000 euros (250,000 U.S. dollars) top prize.

In the 1980′s, dictator Nicolae Ceaucescu encouraged Romanians to have as many children as possible, tragically resulting in overcrowded orphanages. Growing up without parents in the hard-scrabble hinterlands of Moldavia was difficult for Tutu but he overcame all obstacles to appear on “Romania’s Got Talent”, despite having no prior professional experience.

After claiming the top prize, young Mr. Tutu’s future plans are remarkably humble. “My first priority is to finally finish high school,” said the rapper.

Original Click! story here:

Bucharest uses advanced technology to foil thieves

BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) – The Bucharest Metropolitan Transport Authority (RATB) is implementing a series of high-tech magnetic cards on all of its bus, tram and subway lines.

Romania’s capital, long known for the cunning of its thieves, is implementing the measures in order to foil the methods used by crafty locals in order to ride the subway or bus for free. Known as the “Dracula method”, antiquated paper tickets would be artificially impaled in order to make them look properly validated.

Although the new digital, magnetized cards are still being rolled out, many locations have already sold out of the old paper tickets. “I’m sorry but we’ve run out. You can buy a refillable digital card if you like,” said a smiling Angela Gavril, a RATB ticket vendor.

Many locals are pleased by the new, more expensive technology. “It’s more expensive but more comfortable. I can ride the subway now without having to wait in line behind a bunch of Gypsies to buy a paper ticket,” said Robert Beraru, age 37.

Enterprising Romanians can also recharge their cards at local ATMs belonging to the BCR bank. Online users who still have faith in Romania’s internet network can also purchase and recharge transit cards via RATB’s website.

Ok there you go! Now let’s see what you can come up with :)

Please don't do successful parodies of me or I might be out of a job!

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8 Responses »

  1. Hello Sam. Wonderful to see you better. I was just wondering, what is the deadline for the entries? :D

  2. I made one:
    Romanian dog catchers use animals for Satanic rituals.

    A horrible scene vas captured on film by an amateur in Vulcan a town situated in Hunedoara county Romania. Between the ruins of one of the many abandoned communist factories, the dog catchers gathered and made preparations. The recording is being done at the distance and some of the details remain a blur. Adevarul informs us that the footage appeared on their website, probably posted by the person that did the recording.

    The footage shows clearly how a man strangles the defenseless animal with a giant weapon while one of the dog catchers delivers the final blow in order to the dog. Other men stand idle and do nothing. The body is then dumped in a garbage truck.

    It is clear through this that in Romania, the land of Dracula and superstition, the animal was killed in order to protect the town and bring the daemons that roam around between those ruins. Just like roma people, animals hove no right in this country.

    Original : http://www.click.ro/actualitate/din_tara/Maidanez-torturat-cruzime-hingheri-strada-VIDEO_0_1166283383.html

    enjoy :D

  3. Sam, please find my entry on the Alison Mutler contest

    Romanian newspaper claims William and Kate will divorce,

    By Alison Butler, Assassinated Press

    Citing the famous clairvoyant Carmen Harra, the Romanian newspaper Click claims that William and Kate will divorce, but not before getting as daughter the reincarnation of Lady Di. The karma of the Royal Family is not positive, says Carmen Harra, and their marriage will last only between 7 and 12 years.
    Clarvoyance and witchcraft are serious matters in Romania – the land of the medieval ruler who inspired the Dracula tale – and have been part of its culture for centuries. President Traian Basescu and his aides have even been known to wear purple on certain days, supposedly to ward off evil. Such spiritualism has long been tolerated by the Orthodox Church in Romania, and the late Communist dictator Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, Elena, had their own personal witch.
    In January, the Romanian government changed labor laws to officially recognize the centuries-old practice of witchcraft as a taxable profession, prompting angry witches to dump poisonous mandrake into the Danube in an attempt to put a hex on them. A month latter he country’s soothsayers and fortune tellers are cursing a new bill that threatens fines or even prison if their predictions don’t come true.

    Original Click story here:

    http://www.click.ro/vedete/nunta_regala/William-Kate-reincarnarea-Lady-Di_0_1166283459.html

  4. Hello again, I couldn’t help myself and I made another one (a “better” one, I hope):

    Vampires save gypsies on Romanian television

    A Romanian reality show called : “I’ll dance for you” where a small percentage of the poverty stricken citizens have a fighting chance in order to save their life, decided to introduce another task it it’s show. The whole point of the show is to get a relative of the person in need and make them dance in order to win money for medical/social treatment that most citizens can’t afford because of their low income.

    The new task, called “funky jazz” made the participants dress like vampires and perform rituals according to Romanian ancient pagan traditions while a light rain was created in the television studio because the performance “works” better when it’s raining. Three tones of water were brought in order to accomplish this in a country where most villages don’t have access to running water and basic pluming.

    Some of the “dances” did not make a very good impression on the jury. One of its members told Lavinia (one of the participants whose brother suffers from AIDS and can’t get a job because of it) “You were a bit off the rhythm with the music.” On the other hand, Iulia Vântur, who is dancing for her gipsy grandmother who is in a hospital ignored by the doctors because of her ethnicity, made quite an impression on the jury and her colleagues.

    Original article: http://www.click.ro/vedete/romanesti/Trei-platou-vampiri-seara-Dansez_0_1166283482.html

  5. These are awesome!! Keep ‘em coming :)

  6. hmmmm…pai am urmatoarele 3 vanairte :D1. o perechi de jeans super-mega-extra evazati suficient de lungi incat sa acopere tocul si un top cu talia baby-doll intr-un amestec de culori calde si eventual si o bentita hippie…singurul dezavantaj este ca ar acoperi frumusetea asta de pantofi…si nu si-ar mai clati nimeni privirea admirandu-i :P2. o rochie maxi, flower-power, fal-fal, boho, hippie sau cum mai vreti sa-i spuneti :D…o pereche de ochelari MARI…o geanta mare, avand cadrul facut dintr-un lemn exact de culoarea pantofilor…dreamy indeed :D3. si, in cele din urma, o pereche de dresuri extracolorate in ton cu nuanta pantofilor, o fusta cu talia inalta, simpla, intr-o singura culoare si extrem de scurta (pentru acel minunat efect de alungire al mult prea delicatelor noastre picioruse)…un top scurt, care sa ajunga exact in dreptul taliei fara a fi nevoie sa fie acoperit de fusta, preferabil si cu un umar gol…o geanta mare, mare, mare…dar nu de umar :P…si aceeasi pereche de ochelari vintage :P

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